Need advice from people who know...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Need advice from people who know...
7
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 12:30pm
Hi, I am new to this board, but not depression. I only recently started taking medication for it, and even then, I recently have been off of it for two weeks. I can tell a difference in my mood, of course. I have no patience for my 2 year old, I am grumpy, and life in general sucks. But on a brighter note, I took one of my pills today, so maybe I will get to feeling better soon. My dilemma is this. I am 23 years old with a 2 year old and a husband that I have been with for 7 years. Yes, 7 years. I am getting really frustrated at the fact that I never want to have sex with him. Is that not bizarre? I have never really been that into sex, but I am getting annoyed because I am 23 and would love to have more sex. I feel guilty because my husband makes me feel like a freak for not wanting to do it. But, here comes the confusing part, I have a sex drive. Now, as not to get too graphic....I think some of you ladies will get my point here. Wink, wink, nudge nudge. So, is this my depression? I don't know, and I am too shy to really discuss this with anyone. Can anyone help? I really could use it. I mean, it is like I close up when he wants to be intimate. I don't understand it. I could really use the help on this one. I have tried the meds and they didn't up my drive either. I feel like I am going to be stuck like this forever. HELP!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 12:49pm
okay I ummmmmm well I do not kow what to say..

Could it be that maybe you are not sexually attracted to your husband? not implying anything at all...I dont know about your meds I do not take antidepressants so I do not know much about them...I know some have sexual side effects but I would talk with your OBGYN about it that is what they are there for....it could be something medically going on in that area but I would get out of the shy thing and talk with the OBGYN that way you can figure out what is going on with you...

That is all I really have to offer up to you at this point I am sure the other ladies will have more info to give to you

Good luck

Erin
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 5:15pm

I have a couple of thoughts for you, one is that the meds can take anywhere from 2 -6 weeks to totally take effect, and most of them need to build up a reserve in your body before they are the best help they can be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 1:12am
You are in a depression and taking care of a two year old, that is huge burden. Many medications also kill your sex drive, you didn't say what you are taking but if it is in the SSRI class it has that side affect. I hope you have a understanding husband, but even the best can have a hard time with dealing with there wives depression. I am on the other side of it now. I know what you are going through. I have two young children and a husband. It's not easy. Keep taking your meds, if you don't feel there right for you call your Dr. Sometimes it takes alot of tries to get it right . Hang in there. And A good Sex life will be waiting for you again I promise!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 7:21am
Hey I know exactly where you are coming from...wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Is it possible that part of the reason you can't be intimate with your DH is because you hold some sort of resentment. The reason I ask is for years I kept telling my DH, "It's not you, it's me." It wasn't until a while ago that I learned I actually had resentment for him and the only way I could deal with it is with hold sex. I resented him because of his job, because of his past, because he didn't understand just what I was going through, and I assumed he didn't really care. He would often say, "snap out of it."

Communication is key. When I finally was able to tell him everything he was hurt but I needed to stop blaming myself. I now realize that he can't help the job he has, that I can't change the past ,and that he does care but didn't know how to cope with my illness. We sat down and decided that I would be in control of when, where and how. That gave me some power in what seemed to be a powerless situation.

I'm also now open with him about how I am feeling (emotionally and physically) when he gets the urge. If I'm not up to it...he understands and sometimes we take short cuts (wink and a nudge) that satisfy both of us.

Talk to your DH...let him know how you feel. If he loves you (which I don't doubt) he will be willing to listen and work with you.

Well that's my 2 cents worth. Hope you can find a happy resolution to your problem.

Hugs,

Tam

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:08am
Thank you so much for your kind words. I have been taking my meds again for 3 days now. I am on Wellbutin, and I really think that I am feeling a difference. Of course, I haven't reached full potential yet, but things are looking brighter. I often have felt like a freak or an outsider because I have this disease. In fact, I have come a long way. I never used to see depression as a disease. I used to think that it was an excuse for being a bitch. Sorry about that language there. I realize now, after years of pursuasion, that it is something that is very real, and that I have to take steps to control it. I am glad to meet people that are dealing with it like me. I feel alone a lot. I am only 24, and there for awhile, I thought that my life was over. I have a beautiful daughter, a really great husband, and a life that isn't as bad as I once thought it was. I still have thoughts of being a failure and not amounting to anything. I will overcome that. I hope anyway. On the sex front, after a long talk with my hubby, I have had two awesome nights!!! I am very excited about it. Who knew that he was such a stud??? LOL. But if you don't mind, I would like to keep in touch. It would be nice to have a friend in a similiar position as me. Thanks a bunch for your help!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:21am
You....are a godsend. Thank you so much. You really do understand. I have some of the same issues. I think that you really hit a nail on the head with your deductions. LOL. And, you understood my wink wink, nudge nudge. LOL. I am actually feeling a lot better. I am taking Wellbutrin. I had a talk with my hubby the other day..and so far so good, if I am not being too subtle. Wink! I have had a lot happen in my 24 years, my dad died, my father in law died, my Mom mmoved away, my child almost died, etc. So, you know how it is. I hope that things start looking up. I do feel a bit better, though. I am going to take my pills on time..lol. Hopefully, I can get off of them. I feel like a freak for taking them. Well, one, rather. Well, let's keep in touch. It would be nice to have a friend I could chat with. Thanks!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 4:07pm
I am so happy to hear about your two good nights :) Luckiley Wellbutrin is not one of the meds that has a sexual side affect. It is one that I take and have never had a problem with it. It usually does take a week or two to start feeling its affects so hang in there, but when you stop taking it, it only takes a couple of days to start feeling lousy.

I know what you mean about the disease. I say I am on the other side of it now. But that only means I am not in a deep dark suicidal depression. That is where I was two years ago. It was a long, hard road to get here. People(some) on the outside of this disease see you as lazy, manipulative. "Just get over it" I love that. Sure you tell me how. I still have bad days, still go to a Phsyciatsrist monthly. Take meds. But I am functioning, taking care of my children, which I did not do for a long time.Just living my life. It sounds like you are doing a great job if you are able to still care for a two year old, so kudos to you!! Stick in there. And keep in touch. Susan