Don't know where to turn . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Don't know where to turn . . .
2
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 9:52pm
I don't know where to turn because my fiance suffers from depression but there are other issues as well. This is the short version from the beginning . . . my fiance cheated on me about a month ago . . . searching for happiness that can only be found in himself not with someone else. He decided to leave me for her then changed his mind. After about one week, the feelings of guilt started to overwhelm him and he started to doubt his choice. A few days later as he was preparing to go on a short trip, he encouraged me to not be here when he returned. I obviously stayed. The day he left he started back on his antidepressant medication. While he was gone he called me and said he loves me and wants us to work everything out. He came home and put the emgagement ring back on my finger. He made me promise that I wouldn't leave him on one emotional day I had last week - just a day of flashbacks/insecurities brought on by thinking about him cheating. We were doing well, or so I thought until Sunday night.

He said he was in my email a few days earlier when he found nude pictures of an ex-boyfriend and I use that term loosely. He's more like a bad mistake. He said he didn't tell me as soon as he found them because he deserved to feel that way . . . He said he felt like some kicked him in the stomach and that he felt betrayed. I've tried everything I know to do to help him understand that this person means nothing to me. I forgot I had those pictures which were from 2001 because they were in an 'old' folder in an email account I use infrequently.

To hear that I broke his heart breaks my heart. He carries so much guilt from cheating it's eating him up inside. I have a lot of hurt from that but I choose not to let it control me. I choose to be happy which to me means choosing him, forgiving and moving on. Why is it so difficult for him to do the same? He's started drinking more frequently and has taken a downward turn. I can't get in to see the therapist until next Friday and I hope he'll come with me. I'm not sure how to get through the next few days though. He said that I am a constant reminder of the guilt he feels. I don't want him to hurt. Would he be better off if I left? I love him so much and want him to be well. I know he loves me. That is not in doubt.

What am I doing wrong? How can I help? I really need help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 11:36am

Ok hun,


Im not sure I totally understand all of what you have said..


It seems to me that if your b/f was looking thru your email at an "old folder" that he was in the wrong to begin with..

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 8:52am
He has a lot of nerve! He cheats on you, then spys on your email and confronts you on it.

He is trying to make you look like the bad one to cover up and divert attention from his own crimes.

He is manipulating you.

Don't let him mess with your mind!