How long do I wait it out?
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How long do I wait it out?
| Thu, 07-01-2004 - 11:33pm |
I'm having issues with my boyfriend. We've been dating almost two years now, and it's been going well. We started off rocky, breaking up and getting back together for various reasons, but we always ended up together. He loves me, he misses me when I'm gone, and we have now been living together for about eight months. He's getting out of the air force the end of July, and suddenly, the other night, he told me "I'm going back home to live with my parents, you have a month to find a place to live." After he told me he'd stay here with me. Come to find out, he's not sure if I'm "the one" and doens't want me to uproot my life here to live with him there only to break up with me later if he doesn't have this feeling. He seems to think he'll get butterflies in his stomach and such if I'm "the one." Hell, we've reached our comfort level, I love him, he loves me, said he was planning on proposing to me on our two year anniversary, but then "all this came up." Every time he's had a life changing thing happen in his life, he pushes me away then wants me back. Will it happen this time as well? This has happened about 5 times before...he turns 21, "Oh, I'm too young to be in a serious relationship." He moves out, "I don't think we'll mesh together." He gets in trouble at work, "I've got too much on my mind..." And now, he's dealing with moving back home, and he's pushing me away. I told him I would not move now until I got a ring. Do you think perhaps I'm putting too much pressure on him now? I talk to his mom on the phone and she thinks I'm his "one" and that he just can't see it right now. I'm leaving tomorrow mornign for my own apartment, and he'll have a month left to sit in this one, with nothing (pretty much everything here is mine, shower curtain, bed, etc) and I'm hoping he'll be able to do a lot of thinking. I left for a few days to stay at my parents and I came back, he was so happy to see me, said he missed me and was so alone and didn't like the fact that no one was coming home to him...do you think this will all pass? I know, there is so much more to this relationship that I don't have enough space to write, but this is all about the jist of it...how long do I wait for him to come back and realize? At what point do I move on? Where do I draw the line in feeling hurt? I'm so alone already, and he's only in the next room...please email me at aj@amyjamie.com ...I really need the support of anyone right now...contemplating going to a psychiatrist...been so depressed lately...I think I just have a lot of thoughts right now that I need to sort out, and someone to help sort them out with...I feel he is the "one." He even tells me he pictures himself marrying me and starting a family, but he doesn't have that "feeling" that I'm "the one." Isn't that the feeling? Of knowing you want to spend your life with the person? I'm so confused...any support would be appreciated...thanks. Sara

Imagine the hurt if you were engaged, planning your wedding, already put the down payment on your dress, invited your whole family, picked out your maid of honor...and THEN he says, "Oh I'm not sure about this, I need more time, let's postpone the wedding for a few years or maybe just a few months I don't know, I'm just confused". That's what happened to me- it was horrible. Your BF sounds like he would pull something like that too, in fact it would surprise me if he didn't. I lost so much money because all of the deoposits were non-refundable. I ended up marrying my fiance anyway but to this day I haven't recovered from canceling the wedding, and when we did get married we eloped. When he got cold feet, we had been dating for five years. That's the only reason I stuck with him...and tried to forgive him...because I loved him deeply but to be honest his unreliable and selfish actions shook up my love a lot. And broke my heart.
I am pretty sure you're in for a world of hurt with this man, and you deserve better! It's his loss, believe me.
Hi there! Welcome!
Im know im going to sound like a mother hen here hehe,
*hugs