my therapist messed up - WTF??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
my therapist messed up - WTF??
3
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 5:11pm


This is partly a vent, but also I need feedback. ?PLEASE?

Let me say up front that I know I am over-reacting to this. I know it's just a human mistake, but I am angry, hurt and feel more unloved and invisible now than ever.

A little background:

I have had serious long term depression since I was a kid. My parents never acknowledged it, even when I tried to kill myself at 15. I'm on meds now (have been for 4 yrs)and I recently started therapy (again). I have tried many times to "do" therapy but I could never get very far because I have problems trusting anyone and I'm scared to dig deep and explore my abandonment and sexuality issues. I decided that this time I WILL make this work. There are so many issues I need to deal with; but first she has me working on thinking more positively and trusting my her and myself. Then sh*t like this happens and I feel like I'm back to square one.

What happened?:

I had an appointment at 10 this morning. I was waiting for her and after a bit I looked at my watch, it was a quarter after. I thought, hmmm.. shes running late today. Then I overheard the receptionist calling to cancel someones appt and I heard her say my docs name. I went to the window and asked if I had heard right, that the doc is sick today? Yep, she's sick. Ok, but why wasnt I called about the cancellation? Well, because I wasn't on her schedule for today... WHAT? I have a reminder card for the appt so I know I 'had' an appiontment, but somehow it wasnt in her book. I was mad but just left, I wasnt going to get mad at or blame the receptionist.

Why the heck wasnt I on the schedule?? As I drove home I got angrier and more hurt. By the time I got home I was fuming!!! This isnt an isolated incident, people let me down all the time, but I didnt expect it from a psych. I already dont trust anyone and basically feel like I am invisible and that theres no one in my life that gives a sh*t about me. Now my psych has helped to reinforced these thoughts and this is the second time its happened.

In addition to todays incident, we had a scheduling error a couple weeks ago.

I had made an appt for -Th at 2-. Also, I remember scheduling my appts for the next week; a week early, specifically so I wouldnt get stuck with appts that were on consecutive days (ie:wed/th)like I had the week before as well. After my session on Wednesday she said "I'll see you tomorrow". Well, I was there Thursday at 2pm, but so was another client. The doc checked her book and said my appt was for the next day. I didnt know what to say and I didnt want to make a scene since there were several people in the waiting room at the time. Again as I was driving home I just got more angry and felt hurt, letdown, wronged.

Yes, I know I was over-reacting, but I couldn't stop the feelings from coming; that's another part of why I'm in therapy. When I got home, I called her voice mail and totally vented while I was still pissed off. I told her that I wanted her to know how that situation made me feel and since I rarely discuss emotions with anyone, especially when they're happening, that I wanted her to get the full force of my anger which I knew would subside as soon as I rationalized the situation. The next day when we met, we talked about it and I let it go as just an isolated scheduling mishap.

But then today..

This felt even worse because for whatever reason I WASN'T even on her schedule. I want to quit seeing her, to tell her to F-off, but I know deep down this will be the last time I try to get therapy. If I cant find a way to work through this, then I will just give up and drag through life alone like I have been.

I have no idea what to do... I didn't call her voice mail and go off on her like last time. I'll have to wait until Thursday to discuss it with her, if I even go to the appt. I'm already at the rationalizion stage, so I can sort of let it go now, but I have no clue how to deal, how to trust her, I mean if she can't even handle scheduling...??

I am totally confused.

Thanks for reading, this post is way longer than I planned, sorry about that.

I hope everyone is doing well and had a nice holiday weekend.

~peace~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 5:25pm
I have an anger issue also but have kinda gottenit under control these past few months....

I would feel kinda bad as you have expressed if my shrink or therapist forgot about me and my appointment and at least you didnt go off on the receptionist since it isnt her fault anyways...

But I would talk with your doc about that when you see her/him forgot if you said which sex your doc is..so anyways I would tell your doc that your feeling have been hurt one too many times and something needs to be done...

Tell your doc how you really feel be totally open yell if you have to well not really yell but make sure your doc knows exactly how you feel and that they need a better way of appointment making...

Good luck to you.

You are one step ahead of me at least you can rationalize I can barley do that.

Erin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 9:35pm
I understand that you are very angry and frustrated about this situation.

I'm training to be a therapist right now. It is a very hard job. I don't know why your therapist has had scheduling problems. However, the problems she is having with organization have nothing to do with how she values you. One thing to keep in mind is that since you have had a hard time expressing your feelings in the past, the anger that you have built up from a a lifetime of betrayal is coming out in this context.

I strongly encourage you to go to your therapist's appointment coming up. You won't be punishing anyone but yourself if you cut yourself off from seeking help.

I think that a big part of trust is learning to trust yourself. You can't really trust anyone. Everyone is human and makes mistakes. People often mess up, and sometimes are cruel in protecting themselves. But we can learn to trust that we survive whatever happens to us. And we learn to forgive ourselves and others for the small, human errors that come from living in a messy, confusing world.

It sounds like your therapist has a good plan to work with you and wants to help. She doesn't have to prove herself perfect to you to help you. She can't be the ideal parent to you. She is human. Her receptionist is human. But she has the training to help you. She isn't your only hope for healing, but she is working with you now. If you think that not seeing her anymore will make you lose hope and close down, then you owe it to yourself to work through this issue with her. Part of healing and learning to open yourself to life is being willing to work through your issues, especially if you can do it in a safe therapeutic setting.

By the way, it's against the board agreement to use words that refer to swear words on the board because young people can come here. Unfortunately, if you do that the community moderator may delete your message. It happened to me one time.

Good Luck,

MariaC

Avatar for voyager69
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 6:36pm


Thanks for your input Maria. I liked hearing things from the therapists point of view. I try to mentally put myself in someone elses shoes a lot, but I've realized that I have no idea what goes on in the head of anyone who's not depressed and pessimistic like I have been most of my life.

I am feeling much better about everything now. I knew I would be...

In fact I was more or less done thinking about it by the time I had typed and posted my note. I guess it's just that my skin is kinda thin these days.

I find that venting in writing really helps me to see what I'm thinking and lets me get rid of it so I almost dont need to think about that topic anymore. I don't hold anyone responsible for much of anything because so much of my life seems to only happen inside my head.

Also, my doc called to appologize for the mistake. She said that she had me on the schedule but the receptionist was working off an earlier copy. Hmm, I guess I'll accept her excuse... it doesnt really matter anymore anyway. I'm over it and I'll see how it goes when I see her again.

Thanks for the moral support, it helps.

~peace~