My plate is full
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| Fri, 07-09-2004 - 7:31am |
Because of the ear infection trying new anxiety/depression meds have been put on hold. My GP said he would consider putting me in a hospital closer to home if he felt he could help me but not until ear is better. The ENT said it could take up to 3 months to get it healed! I know I need something very soon because everyone has noticed (including me) that I have reverted back to what I was prior to being hospitalized. Even the nasty thoughts have returned.
Yesterday was just about unbearable. On top of feeling so yucky because of the infection, anxiety & depression I recieved 2 disturbing phone calls. The first was about a friend of 12 years who just found out she has lost her battle with cancer. She's only 32 and they've given her 6 months to a year. She has 2 small children and her husband left her when he found out about her illness. I feel so helpless and feel my problems are so small right now. I spent most of the day crying.
I also recieved a phone call from my roommate from the institution last night who informed me she attempted suicide last Friday. I spent an hour trying to urge her to get back to the institution for help but I feel like I failed and didn't get through to her. She said she would contact her GP and try to get back in because she did admit that she needs help. I was up most of the night going over what I said and should have said and even what I shouldn't have said.
I want to reach out and help my friends but at the same time I know getting to close to the situations is not healthy for me. Please don't think I'm being selfish! I love them both very much and want to be there for them as much as I possibly can but I feel so limited in what I can say and do to support them.
Any suggestions as to what I can do or say to help out my friends while keeping my self intact?
Thanks,
Tam

Sweetie, I am so sorry to hear that things aren't going so great right now.
So you aren't on any AD meds right now? I can imagine that this isn't an easy time for you, especially with getting those two pieces of news.
Sorry I can't be of any help.
((((((hugs))))))
Take care
Pamela
I wasn't doing well myself at the time (obviously, since I was in the hospital!). So even though my friend and I exchanged phone numbers, I knew that I couldn't handle trying to help a friend survive when I was struggling so much myself. In addition, I knew that I would completely lose it if I were to hear that she had committed suicide.
So as heartless as it may sound, I never called her back after our first phone conversation. I didn't want to hurt her at all...but I felt like I was by no means the best person to help her, and together we could get into a nasty spiral downwards.
I'm not suggesting that you do the same...it is always hard to make that decision. Maybe you could tell your friend from the institution that you want only the best for her, and you want her to see her doctor (and it sounds like you did this). And maybe you could also tell her that you know where she's coming from...so you may not have all the energy or resources it takes to help her right now...and that she should find a doctor or therapist who can.
As for your friend with cancer, that sounds like a horrible situation...I can understand why you would feel helpless. I can't tell you what you should do...but maybe you could try to let her know how much you care about her and value her, and that you want to do whatever you can for her right now, as much as you are able.
It does sound like you have so much on your plate, and I can imagine that a long-term ear infection could make everyday living difficult, much less trying to help other people. And I'm sorry you aren't able to be on medication now...maybe try to think ahead to the time when you will feel more like yourself again, as hard as that must be.
So I don't at all want to tell you that you "have" to do anything to be a good person... I'm sure you've heard the saying that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. So please try to take care of you first...I'll be thinking about you and hoping that things improve,
Hugs,
Rose