Quarter Life Crisis?
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| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 7:35pm |
I'm 24 and work full-time. My job is stable but stressful - I work long hours in a small office, feel a lot of individualized pressure for the overall outcome of work, and at times it seems that the work never ends and there is always more to do and better ways to get outcomes. Sometimes I feel like I can't keep up and can never please my superiors enough. I also am not very well compensated - though I am young and not exceedingly experienced, I do have my Masters degree and 3+ years in my field.
I live in a city where the cost of living is very high. I have debt from my car and school, as many young people do, but have very little leftover for savings/fun after living expenses. I need to be in a large city for my field, so the expenses are part of what comes with it.
I have a great boyfriend who is a bit older than I am. We've been together for 10 months and have a very fun, comfortable and drama-free relationship. He is, however, moving 1000 miles away at the end of this week for a lucrative new job. It's a great opportunity for him, but I am having a difficult time handling his move. It's happened fast, all within a few weeks. We decided to "see what happens" once we become long distance. But we're both realistic and know there is a lot going against us and our bond may not be strong enough to survive. Me moving to be with him would be rushing things. I wish we had more time to be together in the same city, to really have a good chance at seeing what could develop. I feel like, although some people can survive distance, many cannot and that the relationship will slowly fade, once he gets settled in his new life and I am forced to continue things up here. I feel abandoned, and jealous that he has so many things to look forward to and he is gaining so much - a great new job, new city, old friends. He is excited and happy, I know it'll be an easy move for him and he'll be so busy with his new life. But I feel like all I am doing is losing, losing him. And that while he is busy and happy and excited, I will just be sad and lonely.
I have good friends, but as many people may age experience, a lot of them are getting married and moving out of the city to other areas where they can afford homes. They're settling down, have mortgages, talking about children. I feel like they're advancing and I am not.
When I put everything together, as I did above, I wonder what I am doing, where I am going. I have no family or real ties to this city or state. But I also don't know where I'd go to, what I'd do. My job is difficult but doable - and the market is so dismal, a new position would be hard to come by. I don't 100% love what I do, but I have no idea what else I would be happy doing, or how I could figure that out. A big part of this is caused by my boyfriend's move. I've been so happy with him and it physically hurts to imagine not being with him. But I'll experience that in a few days, when he moves. I've been very emotional for the past few weeks, mostly regarding his move. It has also made me scrutizine what I am doing with my life, and I feel so unanswered and uninspired in so many ways. I do a lot of crying and have not felt well in awhile - just uneasy, nervous. I've had a lot of headaches, little energy, likely because I've not had a big appetite or been sleeping very well.
Basically, I feel like everyone around me is happy and advancing, and I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I feel very much in limbo in most aspects of my life and I'm unsure what to do to feel ok about how things are.
I'd like to hear from others who may have experienced this or anyone who has some perspective. It's odd and unsettling that I feel so uneasy right now. I don;t know if I am depressed or in a rut. Either way, I am anything but hopeful and optimistic.
Thanks for your time.
Ea

(((Ea))) Welcome to the board.