How do relationships survive depression?
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How do relationships survive depression?
| Thu, 07-15-2004 - 9:08am |
My fiance suffers from depression. Some of you may have read my other posts. Last night he was feeling very sad. He calls himself a burden to me and says he feels badly that he doesn't have anything to offer right now to anyone. He just feels like he's going through the motions. He said he loves me and wants to be with me but he feels badly for putting me through this. He said he's torn because he knows he would regret letting me go but hates to see me go through this so he lets me make the decision whether or not to stay. I choose to stay but he thinks he hurts me every day and feels guilty over past mistakes.
How do relationships survive depression?

I thank God tht dh loved me through the whole thing. He knew that my depression wasn't about him. He was the most incredible man he could be for me. I knew we had a happy relationship, even though it couldn't make me happy inside. I knew that my depression was about me, not him. He also used to sayt that I was the "happiest depressed person" he'd ever known. I wasn't happy, but I enjoyed his company and felt better when he was around, so I was pretty playful at times, despite a constant ache and sense of meaninglessness inside me.
Have you read "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by Terrence Real? I have mentioned it many times on this board, but I don't know if I mentioned it to you. That book talks about male depression and how it affects the man's partner. I highly recommend it.
I should also mention that I was previously married to someone who was depressed. I ended up leaving him. I realized at one point that he was making my life too painful and difficult. He refused counseling and didn't do anything to take care of himself or be closer to me. I felt like I was spending all of my energy trying to drag him through life. It was a one-sided relationship. I ended it because I didn't want to spend my life swimming upstream pulling someone who wasn't willing to even try to help.
I've been on both sides. Each person has to decide what he or she wants. You have to weight how hard your partner is trying to get better against what the relationship is doing to you personally. You don't want to end up depressed yourself.
I highly recommend the movie "What Dreams May Come" to you. In it, Annabella Sciorra plays a woman who is in a state that is very much like depression. She sees only the darkness and no one can reach her there. When her husband comes to save her, the darkness infects him too. That is what depression can do to a relationship. Maybe if you watch that with your guy, he will be able to relate to how the woman in the movie felt. It could start a communication about what his depession is really like.
Good luck,
MariaC
I don't know if there is one answer to this. Every relationship is different. It depends on the people in it.
My ex boyfriend (we didn't break up due to my depression) didn't understand depression. He would get frustrated some times, but I think he did try his hardest.
Sorry I can't be of any help. But I am sending many ((((((hugs)))))).
Pamela
Hi hun!
Relationships survive depression just like they would survive any other illness or bump in the road.
All relationships work if they are founded on Committment and Communication..
*hugs
The hardest part about watching someone we love go thru depression is that Ultimately ALL we Can DO is Watch.
*hugs
My S.O. and are taking some space right now. While this is so difficult and hard, I must respect his wishes as he deals with his depression. Another post mentioned that there is really nothing that you can do, and unfortunately, I agree. Depression in someone that we love takes a toll not only on the depressed person but those that they love. Please remember that this is an illness-separate from him.
One resource that has helped me so much is another board that has a forum for friends and family of those who suffer from depression and/or bipolar. I helps to see what others have gone through and see their suggestions. The website is http://www.dbsalliance.org/Forums/ForumRules.asp
I wish I could say that it gets easier and better, but every situation is different. You must take care of yourself and know and remember that this is not about you.
Meghan
My advice: tell him you love him no matter what and talk to him about what you can do when he falls into those deeper times, when he feels worse than usual. Relationships can survive depression. Be strong, love him and know that it will pass.
Cheers & Hugs,
Sunset