Hard Days(trigs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Hard Days(trigs)
4
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 11:41pm
I come here and read as much as my very slow computer will let me and I want you to know I think of you everyday and pray things will get better in our lives and someday we can find some peace with what life has given us to deal with, but I am at a very low point that I feel I may never recover a feeling of confidence or that I have any worth in this life to anyone other than my creator(and His will for me is still a mystery)or that I will ever take joy again in the simple things I once looked forward too, I can't cry or laugh anymore, I just have this numbness of going through the motions of my life.

My mother's health has gone down for the last couple years and after dealing with multiple surgries and rehabs and hospitalizations, my sister and I did what we never wanted to do, we admitted her to a local nursing home 7 min. drive from my home, the help is so good to her and I go everyday to see her and bring her whatever she wants or needs for me to bring, I try very hard to make up for the fact she has had to go into a long term care situation, but she is having none of it and has made me and my sister feel like we are the worse daughters that could ever be. I break out in a sweat when I have to go and see her but I go because if I didn't she would have no one to see about her, my sister has about given up, to make matter worse relatives that has NEVER offered one time to help us with anything these last ten years has come out of the woodwork let us know they don't approve of what we (and her doctor) have done and that we should hire siters to stay with her 24/7 there is just one problem with this, there is no money for this, we had to help mother with bills after Dad died. A lady from my church that I had confided in about all this (because her mother was in the nursing home for 4 years) goes and asks my mother when she is coming home! This sets my mother off and tells me my church friends are turning against me for what I have done. I am drowing in emotions. My husband, my son that has Asperger's Syndrome (high functioning autism) needs me too. I have an adult son that uses drugs and drinks way too much and I try to keep a watch on him. I'm sorry this is so long but I just had to ask "Am I a bad person"? My mother says God is going to punish me for what I have done, she doesn't count all the hospital, doctor and rehab centers I have been through with her? All taking care of doctor appointments, medicine and house cleaning, errand running we have done for her. I feel like I tried but I have failed her, my husband and both my sons. I am sorry this is long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 6:32pm

(((((((((((((((((Bamagirl2004))))))))))))))))))))))


I don't think you are a bad person for taking this choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 7:39pm
Thank You Sincerly bamagirl2004, if I can give a bit of advice try not be bet up on yourself to much some things we have no control over and you will be blessed for doing what you think is best. We all have such serious family issues my mother dad and brother passed away and that's what started my depression it's just me and my sister which took my only brother passing away that we became closer one thing i have discovered if we hold our feelings in ,it can cause sickness and health problems, i use to be this person but now i have a thryroid disease. Say how you feel and if you have to get support on depession support do that. Do something for your self sometimes I don't have any money either but money can not buy happiness peace of mind is what i pefer. Hope i have helped and no, your response was not long. Feeling bad can happen to anyone I work for a mental health agency with people who's issues are far greater than mine. Good Luck to you and your family
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 11:16pm
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my vent, you are kind.

Linette

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 11:20pm
Thank you for understanding.