When Is Enough, Enough?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
When Is Enough, Enough?
4
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 5:52pm
I need some advice.

My mother is a long time alcoholic and drug user. She is very abusive when she either drinks or smoke pot. (Her drug of choice) I've suffered physical and emotional abuse from her for years. My grandmother thinks that as long as she is my mother and has an excuse, I have to put up with it because everyone will frown on me if I try to leave her alone.

Last week she told me that she wants me to take over managing her money and other affairs. I told her that I wanted to talk it over with my brother first before we do this behind his back. (My brother has done an excellent job of being the contact person between all the programs and hospitals my mother has been in these past few decades) This set my mother off. She started screaming, yelling and cursing at me. While I was walking her to the store, she threaten to physically harm me. (For the record, she couldn't even if she wanted to. Although I'm no Superman, she has abused her body to the point that I'm pretty sure my muscle is stronger then hers)

Every stranger we passed my mother said something derogetory about me. I was embarassed but I couldn't fight back. It hurt like hell and then I realized that she was abusing me the same way she had when I was a child. Now I've grown into a needy adult with low self esteem issues and depression.

Ever since I started living with my grandmother, she has made me visit my mother whenever she gets herself into trouble. (Which is fairly often) I'm tired of having to deal with this all the time and would like to finally get away from it. My question is: do I have the right to stopping seeing my mother? When can I finally step away and say "Enough! You have no right to abuse me just because 35 years ago you had sex and 9 months later I popped out."?

For the record, my mother has never raised me. I was bounced between foster homes and relatives. So this is another reason why I think I have the right to separate myself from her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 6:55pm

((((((((((((((((((((((((((tequilatax)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


Sweetie,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 8:41am
Hi, yes you have the right to not see your Mother. I am sure your Grandmother means well but it's time to tell her just what your name for your post is. Enough is enough. Having an alcoholic Mother myself I may be a bit prejudiced but I can tell you that I didn't speak to my Mother for over 2 years once when I got fed up with her nasty comments. When I did finally call her I made it plain I would no longer tolerate her put downs. I know about the low self esteem and the depression. You don't have to put up with being treated like that. You wouldn't take it from a stranger why should you take it from her. By the way I am new here and just saw your post. If your interested Al anon can be helpful it's for the families of alcoholics. There is also a group for adult children of alcoholics but I can't remember the name. I hope things get better for you. Blessed Be Mo
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 8:41pm
You don't have to take that from anybody even "family". My mom was bipolar and very abusive. The healthiest thing I ever did was to walk out of her house and never go back. If I called and she got abusive I hung up. I had to hang up on her for the first few years. It wasn't after until lots of therapy I realized just because she told me I had to take her abuse didn't mean it was so. Sick people, do sick things. You need to take care of yourself. Tell yourself over and over: " I have a right to be happy and healthy." You set the boundries and if she and your grandma can't accept it, it's not your problem. Okay, I know from experience that it is much much easier to say than to do. But I also know from experience that it is worth it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 10:22am
hey i hope every thing gets better my dad is mentally abusive and i have to put up with that for 3 more months then im leaving too if she loved you then she would be abusing you good luck i wish all the love and hope and understanding with you