I just don't know what to do anymore...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
I just don't know what to do anymore...
1
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 9:49pm
You may have read my other post on this board. I have very bad nights where I can very depressed and want to commit suicide. Usually, I just call my fiance (with whom I don't live) and talk to him for a bit and this calms me down.

Here's the thing: I feel so awful that I'm using him to make me feel better like this. I almost never wake him when I call, but sometimes, I'll call when he's with his friends and it makes me feel so naggy and needy. I don't want to be baggage, but when I don't talk about what's going on in my head to calm me, I don't sleep and I try to hurt myself. And the worst part is, sometimes I can't get a hold of him because he's out with friends without his cell. I feel left alone: he tells me that I can call him whenever if I need him for that reason and when I can't get a hold of him and I'm in a low spot, I feel abandoned. But I don't really have the right to be upset with him because it's not his job to always be accessible.

I have no one else I can talk to on these nights, as often it's really late (between midnight and 3AM). What should I do? When I talk to him about calling him when I'm low, he says it's okay, but I still feel SO guilty. Please help.

Jade

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 1:49pm

(((((Jade))))), I'm sorry you're having such a bad time.