And if you're depressed, what do you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
And if you're depressed, what do you do?
4
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 1:39pm
I know I'm depressed, and taking it out on my kids. I have no time or opportunity to try taking a walk every day or something like that. I certainly don't have time or opportunity to see a therapist - I can't even get my hair cut or go to the dentist, let alone have a regular, standing appointment. (Unless I can bring a 3 year old and a 1 year old - ha.) I could email my doctor for an anti-depressant, I suppose, but I'm sure she'd want to see me and probably prescribe therapy first. What good is a prescription for something I can't get done?

I don't see any way around this.

Mary

Edited to include this P.S. If you might suggest a baby-sitter, or something else "easy" so I could make appointments, I have tried several teenagers, who only just end up flaking out on me at the last minute. Daycare requires my 3 year old to be potty-trained, and she's not. (Plus, there's a waiting list.) My own mother and sisters have flaked out on me after promising to help out. So maybe drugs won't work if life just sucks?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 2:33pm
I'm not a mom, so I am the first to admit that I don't have any idea what it's like to have two small children in diapers with little or not help in taking care of them. I'm almost 34 and don't plan on ever becoming a mother. I think it's the hardest job out there. I can't imagine having the emotional or physical energy to do what you are doing. It is a huge undertaking!

You don't say if you have a husband. I hope that you do because it sounds like you need all of the help that you can get.

If you have a husband, does he ever watch the kids? If not, why not? If he uses work as an excuse, you should point out that you work too! And your work is 24 hours seven days a week. You need him to give you some down time.

Have you considered taking a walk with one of those two child strollers? I see lots of moms doing that when I go walking on the sidewalk around my home. I'm sure that it is hard to do with such small children, but children learn by parents setting the rules and teaching them that this is how it is.

If the father of your children doesn't live with you, is he nearby? Can you get him to take the kids sometimes?

Three years old is the time to start seriously potty training your three year old. Dr. Phil has some great suggestions for how to do this very quickly. The sooner she is potty-trained, the faster you will have your work load lessened. No one can take being a constant slave to the physical needs of other people without the sleep and down time you need.

I hope that you are on birth control now. As you can see, two small children is very hard. Having another will only make your life that much harder. It's important to plan your family in a way that will give you the time and emotional support you need to be the best mother you can be.

I know that many other women on this board have children and will have more specific suggestions. I wish you all the luck in the world. Give yourself tons of credit for the huge job you are doing right now.

All My Best,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 3:26pm
((((mary)))) wow, things sound so hectic for you, I'm so sorry things are so hard on you right now and I wish to God you had help, you deserve nothing less.

Listen to me very clearly, go see your Dr. If you have to take your kids, do so. Mary you need help. You know that you are depressed and your taking it out on 2 people that know don't deserve you being stressed at them. You NEED help!!! You don't know that your Dr will certainly prescribe therapy before meds. My Dr didn't!!!! If your Dr does expect you to go to therapy, then GO!!! Do you have any friends with kids that you could ask them to watch the kids while you go to an appointment?? When I was in therapy before we moved, I did a weekly swap with a Mom. She watched my 3 on my therapy day, and I watched her 2 on any other day of the week so she could run errands or just have time to herself. You didn't say if you are married or if you live with someone. Is it possible to plan your Dr or therpy appointments around their work schedule???

Drugs WILL work. Before taking any myself, I feel extremely guilty typing this, but I was very antimedication. Ok, I've said it. I'm on a low dosage of prozac, and I can assure you, it works. I need more therapy, I'm finding the meds are helping BIG time, and I will be getting therapy very soon.

Mary, I wish I was there so I could firstly hug you and tell you that everything will be ok. Potty training is hard, I know our middle child was 3.5 before he was fully potty trained. Its hard, and every child is different. My son was 2.5 when our youngest was born, and it was a nuts for a long time. Things are getting better now, all I can say is to hold on, I promise things WILL get better!!!!

Please Mary, please go see your Dr. Try and arrange therapy and thanks for coming here and venting, you needed it. We all need to vent sometimes. Being a Mom isn't easy, but I can promise you without a doubt, until you help yourself, you won't reach your full potential as a Mom. You know you need help, and that is a HUGE step in the right direction, realizing your depressed and you need help is a strong statement to make. Your a wonderful Mom for seeking help (((hugs))) please realize that you need to take things another step more, for yourself and for your kids.

Take care Mary, and come back and type to us again soon :o)

((((HUGS))))

Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 4:35pm
Hi Mary, I'm checking in to see how your doing. I've checked on you a few times, and I haven't heard anything new.

I hope your doing ok, please post and let us know how your doing!!

Things of you!!

((((hugs))))

Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 12:56pm
Bumping this one to the top too, in hopes you'll see it :o)

((((hugs))))

Pam