How do I know what med is right for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
How do I know what med is right for me?
6
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 3:42am
I know I am depressed and have been for quite some time. I would say at a low level for the past 10 years. It began after my first marriage was disolving. Ive never been one to have many friends, just one or two close friends at a time. In my 20's I had a couple good friends, but they have moved out of state. After my divorce, I felt isolated and rushed to remarry. Instead a pursuing friendships with other women, I spent all my free time with my husband or I spent time alone. For the most part I was content alone, and didnt mind going shopping and doing things by myself. I have friends at work, and I am sure everyone there considers me "normal". With my second husband we went through infertility which led me to great despair, but thankfully I eventually had a baby boy, who is wonderfull, but now very challenging as a 2 year old. I was depressed about not getting pregnant. Happy during the pregnancy, but now I am depressed again, and probably have been solidly for the last year.

My husband has many friends, and is constantly busy, and gone at night, as he is a musician. I work part time at a stressfull job, try to keep our household going in between and care for our son. I feel like I have no time left over for myself. Lately I have felt so alone, and sad, and realize I have no friend to call or to reach out to. My mom is chronically ill, and I dont like to burden her. My husband and I have had our share of problems as well which occasionally bring me to the brink of crisis, and then it hits me harder how I have "no one" to call or cry to.

I have always been an athletic person, but when going through the infertiltiy, I cut back on excercise, gained weight around my belly, got pregnant, and never really lost all the baby fat. Its only in my tummy, but it looks bad because I am thin everywhere else. I am also drinking more. It used to be just one beer at the end of the day. But lately I have been talking myself into 2 beers or wine that I will pour myself glass after glass. This does not help my tummy situation either or make me feel any better, but I keep doing it.

I AM trying to get back excercising, but with my child it is hard to squeeze in the time. I do know this well help with the good endorphins.

I think medication would help me. I do not have a doctor that knows me aside from my OB/GYN, and the thought of asking her for help horrifies me. I half-way planned to ask her at my last anual appointment, but when she asked me how we were all doing with a big smile on her face, I felt like I couldnt tell her the truth, so I lied and said we were all great. Pathetic but true. I am not suicidal, I am just sad, and want to be happier. I just dont know how to get there.

Anyway, question is... zoloft, celexa, prozac, paxil, etc.? Whats the difference, what is for me? Any of your experiences might be helpfull, thanks for listening.

jen

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 1:21pm
Hugs to you. You sound an awful lot like me. Were you born in 1967? So was I. I have 3 girls and also feel a lot of times that I don't have anybody to talk to .

As to the medications....you really should see a psychiatrist and discuss what would be right for you. Everybody is different. I was on Lexapro and it worked well, but it stopped working for me. Now she switched me to Wellbutrin, but I broke out in a horrible rash (just my luck). So now I'm going back on Saturday to see what to try next. Just tell them the problem you have, and what you are looking for. I told her that I didn't want something that makes me gain weight. I need to lose weight (all the baby fat), so I really don't need to deal with that.

Good luck and let us know what you decide.

Ilka



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Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 1:55pm

Welcome to our board,

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Registered: 07-28-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 7:32pm
I completely understand where you are. I had similar problems when I was a young mom. Now I am a young grandmother and struggling with depression. I've never had a lot of friends - mostly because as a child I moved a lot so I didn't develop socially - lost contact with school friends due to all of us being military. Then I married very young to an abusive man and was very isolated. Got out of that mess, and like you married again quickly. That marriage didn't work out and I remained single for 14 yrs. while raising my kids and finishing college. I have 2 long term friends who live over 1600 mi away. I find it hard to make friends where I live now. I'm not shy but I guess I am reserved. When I make friends, I make them for life. I don't like superficial relationships. I am very comfortable with my own company and I have a ton of hobbies. Still I miss being able to talk to a girlfriend. Us women need that emotional bond that our friends give us and who else can you tell these things to? I'm trying to get out more, but it's hard.

I worked all my life but after remarrying (yes, I am an optimist!), my current husband of 3 1/2 yrs told me to stay home. You would think I would be happy. Since I quit my job (which was a very stressful corporate management position that I HATED and had to drive 200 miles roundtrip daily), I have had a very difficult time - depression, marital problems, isolation, anger. I finally went to my PCP and she put me on Effexor. I gained 15# and lost all interest in sex. Not easy for me since we had a very satisfying sexual relationship.

I'm sure some of the depression stemmed from feeling guilty about not making a paycheck anymore since I had always maintained a very independent lifestyle once I got out of the abusive marriage. I also think it scared me to be totally dependant upon another person. To make matters worse, my husband began doing some things that I was unprepared for (a fetish) and I had no experience with this. In fact it sent me into a deeper depression. I questioned my relationship and my own sexuality and desirability as a woman because of his behavior. He finally gave that up this January. The damage was done. Top all of this off with menopause and trying to regulate my hormones. I feel like such a failure and mess.

I also felt terribly guilty about the effect of Effexor on my sex drive. I tried to switch to Welbutrin after weaning off Effexor but it seemed that the Welbutrin didn't work at all. I was turning into an irritable lunatic in less than 6 weeks. I'm back on Effexor which stablized my depression but still no sex drive. I certainly understand my husband's frustration but at the same time I can't force feelings I don't have.

On top of all of this I resent my husband. He is not understanding about any of this. He is arrogant about it because he doesn't think a PCP can diagnose depression. My husband is in his second career as a licensed professional counselor. He's the mental health clinician you would go talk to about your depression, your abusive relationship, etc. You would think this man would understand better than anyone. Last Friday, I accidentally found out that he was looking at personals on his computer. He has done it before and when I confronted him, he said it was "entertainment" and he liked to look at breasts (another of his fetishes.) He knows that I have a problem with it but does it anyway. I just give up saying anything this time but I am unbelievably angry right now. But of course, this is all MY problem and in MY head. He accepts no responsibility for the state of our relationship.

Even more "depressing" is the fact that his agency does not offer mental health benefits so if I go to see someone I have to pay out of my pocket! How ironic is that? I know I need to see a counselor but I just can't afford it. I also asked for marriage counseling and he refuses. Physician heal thyself? Well you know what they say about mental health professionals - they are screwed up and that's why they go into the business. Sorry, feeling cynical. My other option is to go see someone where he works. That means I would be spilling my guts to a co-worker of his. I just can't see myself doing that, confidentiality or not.

Sorry I really got waaaay off track here, but my advice to you would be this:

1. Don't drink. It makes everything worse.

2. Do your best to get out and make some friends - maybe a play group or stay at home moms group?

3. Be very careful about what medicine you are prescribed and ask a lot of questions about the side effects.

4. Go walk for exercise - put the baby in a stroller. Walking is the best exercise and you can do it anywhere. Also, don't be so hard on yourself about your tummy. I've been critical of mine all my life and it's just not worth all the stress.

It sounds like you have a good husband and you have recognized that you need to do something. Definitely talk to your doctor. I am going to call mine tomorrow.

Good luck and thanks for listening to my sad story. :-)

Tricia

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Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 3:25am
tricia, thanks for your input. Wow, how it just helps having someone tell you what you need to do, although you allready knew what to do! Silly isnt it? I know, I know I need to call a doctor. I still cant face my Ob/gyn, but what does she know about depression meds anyhow? I think I am going to try to find my PCP who I dont know and ask for help there. I did see a psychologist a long while back while going thru infertility, perhaps, he can take me back. I live in a small community, and I am also a nurse, so I also dont want to see a doctor I deal with on a daily basis.

I know I need to cut back on my evening cocktails.

I do get out a lot with my baby, today we went to the park. Hey, I look ok in clothes. Im 37. I guess I just long for my 19 year old body. Oh well. I know I need better excercise for my health. Cardio.

I am pretty scarred of taking meds. Dont want to gain weight. And do not need any lowering of the sex drive. I forgot to mention we've had sex about 3-4 times in the last 2.3 years since the baby's birth. Long story, but I think my husband is depressed as well, although he would never admit it, and never take medication.

Well, I ramble on. Thanks everyone for being out there and responding. I was really down last night. Better today. Gotta call a doc.

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 6:14pm
I understand completely. I took Zoloft before - about 6 yrs ago and only for a short time. Only time in my life I ever needed to take anything. I didn't gain weight or lose my sex drive - but I wasn't married either. I was in health care (HMO) for a long time so I understand your fear of talking to anyone. But do it for you.

My life just took a horrible turn for the worst. My psychotherapist husband does not practice what he preaches. He has decided that he can't be married to me. He doesn't know why he can't be more supportive of my problems with depression. Ironic huh? So much for "kind and caring." He preaches finding solutions to save relationships but he has done NOTHING in ours. All my problems started when I quit my job. He also started cross dressing out of the clear blue at the same time. I spent a year of hell trying to understand CDing and how I fit into that mess. I still don't understand it. Now he is concerned about not making enough money but he spent about $3K last year buying all his female clothing and stuff. He has this odd fetish about enormous breasts (not the usual DDs - we are talking watermelon sized and corsets and fuzzy sweaters such as mohair. Wants me to wear them and I live in Southern AZ where it is always hot or warm. Then about every 6 months I catch him looking at the personals. First time was 18 months after we married. Then again last Nov. and now. I guess the grass is greener over there. Just so you know, I am 57 but I look mid to late 40s. I've always been a head turner and considered quit a catch. Men I dated before my current husband were always at least 10 years younger than me. So it isn't like I am some dog. He, on the other hand, isn't anything special. He's somewhat fit, but with his binge drinking on the weekends he has developed the beer belly. He is bald and not handsome. I fell for the kind and caring BS he fed me. He doesn't listen to anything I say and is very, very self-involved. Tells his old military stories until you want to scream. How many times can you listen to someone tell the same thing in minute detail???

So why would I get depressed? Living with a cross dressing, narcisstic BORE who is very full of himself. I quit a $63K a yr job to stay home. Now what?My life would make a great movie if it weren't so personal!!!

So I guess anyone reading this should feel better about her life. My sounds like a sitcom but no one is laughing.

Tricia

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 4:38pm
{{hugs}} I have not been to this site in quite some time but stopped by today wanting to look something up for a friend.

I certainly understand the feelings you are having. I went and saw my GP - I actually felt I had a better connection there than I did with my Psych, so I dropped the psych. I was on Zoloft and latter added Wellbutrin to the picture. once I added the 2nd drug things did improve for me -however the sex drive completely disappeared. I have been off meds now for about 8 months and still doing OK. For me one of the biggest weights off my shoulders was coming clean to y DH about what I was going through and making him understand more clearly what I was going through (via literature from the doc). I was really nervous going to the doctor about everything - I think I was afraid I was going to be judged. Actually it was quite the opposite in the end. He made me feel comfortable about the PPD (our dd was over a yr when I finally went to see him) and said that it was more common than I could imagine.

If you do not have a GP talk call you OB office (if you feel comfortable with them) and ask for a referrel and tell them why you are wanting to get a name of a GP - they may be able to head you in the right direction of one that would click with you. (good bedside manner so-to-speak)


Best of luck to you, All I can say is it does get better with time.

Shannon

p.s. I also now take time out to do something for myself - even if it is a stroller ride after dinner with the kids. the fresh air and movement makes a world of difference for me.