Hi... new here... (long post)
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| Wed, 07-28-2004 - 4:38pm |
I am in a phase in my life where I feel depressed and angry for almost everything:
I was unjustly laid off recently (didn't get any support whatsover on the work messageboards). The person who laid me off was a former collegue who didn't like me and though I wasn't experienced for the job, when I have more degrees than him. He just wanted to get rid of me. I hate him and everyone in that office. I didn't manage to make one friend in that office. I am nice and outgoing and I talked to everyone and now I know that everyone was so superficial and no more really like me or cares whether I live or die. No one has even called to see how I am doing. Still coping with that.
I only have one person who deserves to be called my friend (but not a close friend).
I often have arguments with my fiance about my being unemployed, having no friends and criticizing people in general. We don't even have sex anymore.
I have very slow self esteem. I often think that whatever I do I will fail at it.
I feel that everything is my fault. Especially, the having no friends part.
I can't stand these feelings. I hate people who aren't nice to me, when i am nice to them. When I go out of my way to help them and be their friend. I hate the fact tha no one
calls me to say hi and doesn't invite me anywhere. I hate everyone who has ever been indifferent and pretended to like me. Pretended to be my friend. I hate all these fake people.
Losing all hope in ever findind a job or a decent friend in this lifetime.
Please give me some advice how to look at the world differently.

Okay not to sound mean or anything but I know for me personally I do not go to work to make friends I go to work to make money and if I make a friend along the way thats great...and I have been lucky enough but they are what I call work friends and when I leave a job I leave a friend and if they dont call who cares move on and away from thinking that these people are or were your friends they would not have known you if you did not work with them or for them they were not your friends or what I call real friends so try to not sweat that okay....
Second..."I hate everyone who has ever been indifferent and pretended to like me."
You said that with such malice I know I can not hear you but sometimes words can cut right thru a page as if you can hear the person speaking right in front of you....
you sound so negative through out your whole post, are you sure that that negativity is not coming thru into your friendships? I ask because before I took a step back looked at myself and saw how I was reacting to others I had no friends I had no life but as soon as I took a step away from myself things changed I changed and things got so much better for me..people are going to be indifferent towards you when negativity is coming out of your eyeballs they will be afraid of you I know from experiance that is how I can say this to you...
"I often have arguments with my fiance about my being unemployed, having no friends and criticizing people in general. We don't even have sex anymore."
why do you critize people? is it because tey are not like you or because they are not the way you think they should be?, also have you posted your resume with head hunters (job agencies) a friend of mine is a head hunter and he has found jobs for other friends of mine who were out of work at the time...
what does your fiance say to you to start a fiht or do you start it with him?
I ask these questions to maybe get to the root of things are you in therapy are you on meds are you seeing a shrink?
No one can ever give you advice on how to view the world we each see it in our own little ways we each do things that is right for us that makes life good and makes us look at the world in a good way.....
but I can tell you that being this negative and bringing people down with you is not going to help you see the world as a bright and beautiful place that is something that you need to do on your own first by changing the negative and maybe just working on attitude in general that is what I had to do and I am glad I did it /I am not always happy but at least now I dont blame others for my misgivings thts all on me now..
good luck
Hugs, Brenda
Have you tried calling social services or Catholic Charities to get help getting therapy for free or for much less money? You have just gone through a major loss. Feeling betrayed by your coworkers has made it much worse. It's really normal that you feel hurt, bitter, and hopeless. You are going through a very painful transition. Therapy can help you find your way through the pain to set new goals and put the past behind you. It can help you to get remotivated to create the new life that you want.
About 8 years ago I got divorced, started my life over in a new town with no friends, no job, and little money. I felt so betrayed by my family who used this very dark time as an opportunity to kick me and blame me for my problems and for their own ego issues. I lost all faith in people and in God. I got to the point where I almost ended my life because I felt so hopeless, alone, and weak from the struggle.
I barely managed to make it through. Got one job that was way below my education level, but paid the bills (barely). I had roommates and ate raw carrots for lunch to make ends meet. I gained some acquaintances during that time and one or two friends who were really there for me. I've had many friends show that they don't care since that time. I've been changing what I expect of people. I've slowly been building my career. I went to therapy and it helped me so much. I had been to a bunch of different therapists over the years, but this last one has really helped me. She's helped me change my perspective and expectations in life. Not much has changed in my life since two years ago before I started therapy, but I'm much happier now as a result of it.
Another thing I can strongly recommend is a book my therapist told me to get in my first session. It's called "The Feeling Handbook" by David Burns, MD. It really helps you to put thoughts and beliefs into a more realistic, less hopeless perspective. It's a great place to start.
My heart goes out to you. Good luck. We're here to support you if you need us.
Take Care,
MariaC
Thanks for recommending the book Maria, I will buy it this weekend.
Victoria
Hi and Welcome!
the biggest thing about Therapy is it wont work unless you believe in it ... so I can see where it may not be the best choice for you right now.
Maria did recommend a great book and perhaps you can find some help that way. As far as the crying goes, you may want to consider an short course of Anti Depressants to get your emotions back in control. It doesnt have to be a long term thing.
Im glad you found us
*hugs