I don't know who to talk to...(long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
I don't know who to talk to...(long)
2
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 7:04pm
hello, I'm not sure if this is the place to go to, but I really need to talk about some problems that I have been having lately. This could take a bit, because I'm not sure how to describe it. Over the past few months the way I have been acting has caused a stress to my relationship. My boyfriend tries very hard to make me happy and is always there for me; he is wonderful. But, there are times that I seem to cause stress for us, and for no reason. I get worked over little incidents and end up causing a big, emotional fight. There is always a period of calmness and happiness, then I just find something to cause a fight and nearly break up the relationship. I guess an example would be clearer: Last week I was over his apartment. It was such a great weekend (we live a few hours apart, so we don't spend that much time together) then Sat. night, I got so upset that he was tired and wanted to go to bed early. First I just left the room and sat in the living room. But, I kept making noise so he would know I was there. When he finally got up, I began yelling at him, saying he doesn't want to spend time with me. Then I started to cry and ranted about how stupid I was and that he shouldn't be with me. Then he calmed me down and the next morning everything was back to normal. This is a typical incindent that happens every so often. tHe same cycle every time. I get upset, get overly dramatic to show him I'm upset, yell at him, cry and put myself down, he calms me down and then everything is fine. He tries so hard not to make it a problem. He never yells at me and and always goes out of his way to make me feel better. And most of the time everything is fine. But then an episode like this pops up. Afterwards, no matter what he says, I feel so paranoid that he will get fed up with me and leave me. He says it's not a problem; but I think it is. But I don't know if I'm just making a big deal about it. It seems like I'm just trying to find a problem to worry about. He says I'm just used to handling confrontation over calmness (because my last few relationships were driven by little disagreements all the time)and that I am not used to things going well and incident free (like my current relationship)I just feel like I ruin so many potential good times that my boyfriend and I could be having. I feel like I stress him so much. I just don't want to drive him away. I hope someone can help me or direct me somewhere to get advice. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 9:33pm

Welcome ((((((((((((((((((((((tink2005)))))))))))))))))


I don't quite know what to tell you, but it sounds like there are times when you feel the need for attention and these little disagreements come about because you don't really know how to ask for the attention you need.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 2:29pm
I pushed away my last boyfriend over that exact reason. I still think about him everyday and it really hurts. I really wanted to tell you how lucky you are that your boyfriend is so calm and understanding of you. He really seems like he cares about you and wants the relationship to work. My boyfriend couldn't handle me anymore. He told me I was constantly projecting my negativity onto him and accusing him of ignoring me when he was right there. He didn't understand me and didn't want to keep going through all of that. If you love your boyfriend stop, take a deep breath and really think about your thoughts or your actions around him. Try to tell him how you're feeling without getting angry and dramatic. I know this is hard, I failed miserably. Good luck!