feeling a void - bored or lonely?
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feeling a void - bored or lonely?
| Wed, 08-11-2004 - 2:03pm |
I cannot say I am depressed in the typical sense but I feel a void in my life. My ex fiance and I broke up in March and there has not been anyone else special in my life since. I definitely miss intimacy. It became like an addiction for me. I am not stimulated at my job and don't like my apt. too much. I had always wanted to move out west so I decided to move to Denver from NJ. I am planning my move Nov. 1. My family will be so angry and threaten to disown me (this is just how they are). They CONDITIONALLY love people. I am one of those that gets bored easily and in the past have sought drama to bring excitement to my life. I don't do that now. (I used to live overseas and that was so exciting for me but came back to the states to "look for" my husband - that was almost 3 years ago). I have good friends but they don't provide intimacy you get with a romantic relationship. I am still interested in int'l travel but know that my bio clock is ticking and in order to be a single mom which I accept as a definite possibility, I have to save up money and create a stable life. I am seeking out ways to create a reality tv show based on working abroad. But, that is a long shot. So, I have friends, plans for a move that I've always wanted and in reality have no problems at all. But I am so bored/lonely/feeling a void. What is going on?

There are lots of theories about why we have that void. People usually assume it means that something is "missing." They change partners, move, have children, buy more stuff, travel, etc. Sometimes these things make a difference to them, but usually only temporarily. People seek the peace through therapy, medication, religion, meditation, and relationships.
What is the answer? I think that it would be arrogant for anyone to tell you what your answer is. Oprah believes the answer is in consciously thinking about how grateful you are for things and people in your life, taking the time to appreciate every moment. I find that being grateful and enjoying the moment has helped me find day-to-day peace and joy. But I also feel that having intimacy and love makes me happy too, not just with my mate, but with my little dog as well. Today I took a nap, spooning him in my arms. It's those moments that bring me happiness. Believing in God and there is a deeper meaning to life helps me too.
I think that whenever we look for outside activities or situations to fill the void, we set ourselves up to be disappointed at least part of the time.
I have found that if you can sit with the empty feeling inside and let it take over, you can explore what it really seems to be. Is it sadness? Is it disappointment? Being loved can help you have happiness, but it won't make you happy. I've learned that the you can feel that emptiness even if you are madly in love with someone who adores you. Sometimes it's just a matter learning to really care about yourself, faults and all, and appreciate life just as it is.
Take Care,
MariaC