it's my birthday & i'll cry if i want to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
it's my birthday & i'll cry if i want to
5
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:53am
well, today is my 25th birthday. my wonderful boyfriend threw me a bbq last night and everyone was invited. unfortunately, almost none of my friends came. a few rsvped and had other stuff to do- normal. then, the ones left- a group of 2 invited and a few they were bringing called almost 2 hours after the party started to say they were on their way and woul dbe here in 15 minutes. they never came. i got into bed crying last night. what was left was a friend who was on valium after being attacked on the street a few days ago by my apartment (a whole other set of issues) and came really late and really loopy- she's excused. her heart was in it. but her roomate and one of my close friends had to babysit for money- yes you read that right. she didn't even call just sent the message. the only one who was there the whole time ended up throwing a fit because she had a crush on one of my bf's friends and the girl he was dating came and she was mad and having a bad time. that's all for my party. it was so sad, and i felt so unloved- which has carried over until today on my actual birthday. my dad was in town for a baseball game and came over with a car full of his friends while i was getting ready for the party and told me to come outside to say hello to him and talked for a minute and left. that was really nice for my dad, but only reminded me of how he told me he was going to buy me a computer for my birthday present and then just decided to get me nothing. seeing him didn't make me feel any better, knowing him he was probably jsut trying to impress his friends that he was a good dad or that i live in a good neighborhood or something. my mom was going to try to come and visit, but a few bad excuses later and she isn't here. so i am dumped on my boyfriend, who is wonderful for trying to make me feel better. but i just woke up and i have given myself a big stomach ache, i am totally depressed and just want to cry all day. i hate having no friends. it was embarrassing on top of everything else. and my bf's friends kept feeling sorry for me and asking where my friends were and probably staying out of pity. thank you guys for listening, i am just so sad and it is my birthday. i was raised to feel like this was such a special day, and everyone use dot make a big deal out of it. i can't believe my friends blew me off on my birthday. i would never do this to anyone, i can't believe so many people did it to me. i am just so sad right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
((((voguegirl15))))

First and formost: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

Secondly, I want you to know that I think your boyfriend deserves HUGE (((hugs))) from you. He obviously tried so hard to make your birthday bbq a success.

I'm really sorry that your friends, and parents ditched you, you deserve better than that.

I think that you should make it completely clear to them ALL that you feel horrible by their actions, or their lack of appearances. Then, you should start planning a wonderful time away with just you and your boyfriend for next year!! If your friends shrug off what happened, I would also sincerely think of what your definition of a friend is and perhaps start looking for new ones.

Your a wonderful person, and anyone in their right mind can see that. You deserve good friends, you've got a wonderful boyfriend and I'm so glad for that :o)

Take care of you

((((hugs))))

Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003

Awww Happy Birthday Sweetie!!


Im so sorry your friends did that to you!

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
VG!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I left a message on your voice mail today. I'm so sorry for those jerky friends. I've had too many bad birthdays. I used to be the one in my family to make everyone's birthday special, sending very special presents, calling the whole family a week ahead to make sure they sent out presents and cards, then calling everyone in the family the day of the person's birthday to make sure that they called the person on the day. Then one year no one from my whole family even called me on my birthday. That was when I knew that I wasn't going to make the effort with those people anymore. They didn't care about me.

But as for friends, I think that it's hard to find good ones (you know my stance on that). And when it's a party, people tend to flake, thinking that no one will notice in the crowd.

As I said in my phone message to you, I changed my attitude towards birthdays one year when a friend made me promise to set aside the day to spend with her, then never called me me that day or any day after. That day I decided that that I was going to be proactive about making my birthday fun. I make my own plans, either with my dh or alone. And I do what sounds like the funnest thing to me. A few times someone else has come along, but I don't depend on friends to make it special. Because they just won't. I haven't had a friend who would do that in a really long time. Like since high school.

Just because your friends are self-centered and flaky, doesn't mean that you aren't special, or even special to them. They would do this to anyone. It's them, not you! And you have a boyfriend who adores you and would do anything to make sure you feel loved.

Some people think that birthdays are for kids, because people make the big deal about kids' birthdays. I don't think that birthdays are for kids. But for me a birthday means a day that I get to do whatever I want. No guilt, no worry about anyone else. It's not about expecting others to make me feel special (since they rarely will), it's about having a special day for myself.

I'm sending hugs and BIRTHDAY WISHES across the miles.

All My Love,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003


Oh Honey I am so sorry that it was a bad day for you..

And I know that I am late with this but

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that it is awesoem that your boyfriend loves you so much and tried so hard to make the day extra special for you love is great isnt it.....try to think of that even thought the day sucked at least he was there for you..

As for your dad he seems likea bigger jerk than mine but I am licky at least mine donated his sperm and took off, I just call him the sperm donor but anyways I would tell your family that they hurt your feelings buy not acknowledging this day especially your mom I am surprised since the two of you are pretty close plus DUH she was the one in labor with you how could she not want to be there for you..

but try to talk with her to see what is wrong with her why she could not visit with you on such a special day..

As for your friends it is obviouse that they are not true friends if they can not or will not make the time or if they cant give you their reason for not being able to come to the party them selves but rather send someone to do their dirty work not good and they are not good friends..

you are such a great person with a huge heart and you deserve friends like that you deserve people who want to be near you and talk to you..please remember that you always have me and Maria I am more than positive that if we lived closer to you we would have been at your BBQ with bells on..

Please feel better soon and take care of you and remember you deserve friends that will be as good to you as you are to them..dont settle for anything less.

Loves

Erin

Avatar for mumontherun
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Happy Birthday Beautiful! I am sorry you had a bad day, but it's great that your bf cares about you enough to try to get your "friends" together. I think that Maria's right, and they probably thought you wouldn't notice at a big party. I hope you will do something fun for yourself, maybe even buy yourself a special present. You deserve it! And thank goodness those jerks DIDN'T show up--who needs them? Now you know that they are not really friends.

~Nicola