Depression (now I'm there)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Depression (now I'm there)
2
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 7:12pm
I've never believed in depression. I thought people are making this up to excuse their weakness. And now I'm depressed. I feel it. I don't remeber where and when did it start. All I know it affects my life now. I used to be very fast learner and now I get a book and I cannot concentrate. I read and don't get it....I don't know what to do with my life career-wise...Sometimes I don't even care. I think about learning some new skills but I'm not sure if I'm able to. My brain's getting so weak. I have no passion to read (...and I used to love it) I'm self employed and I don't put any affort to find new commissions. I'm not insured and I don't have money for doctors (anyway, all they do is getting money out of your pocket). I stoped exersise and I get tired pretty fast. I'm an artist and stoped even painting......

I still believe that I can help myself I just don't know how. Please, help. Anything will do...stories, advise....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 5:54pm
Depression is sneaky. I know; I've been there a *long* time (since I was 8 years old). In my case, it was initially triggered by my mom's battle with cancer and being bullied in school. I knew *something* was wrong, but everyone was so busy taking care of her that no one realized I was depressed, including me. Not only that, I think it was a time when most people didn't know that children could get depression. Believe me, it's possible! Then she passed away, and I got worse. A *lot* worse. I realized I had depression when I was about 14. It wasn't until I was 15 that I finally got help. My dad was depressed himself (probably over losing my mom) and having problems at work and being a single parent; my grandmother, who helped raise me after my mom died, didn't believe there was such a thing as depression. Her philosophy was that life was tough and that you just took your lumps and moved on. Luckily, one of my teachers realized I was depressed; convincing my dad wasn't easy, but she finally got through to him and got me into therapy. I was in therapy for several years (I'm not at the moment); it helped somewhat, but I still have problems. (I have anxiety disorder, too.)

When I was in school and got depressed, there were times I could barely go to school. I sometimes have had that problem with work, too.

I don't know what caused your depression, and you don't seem to either, but there are some things you can do. I hear you about the insurance and the doctors. Until a few months ago, I didn't have insurance either. I couldn't afford it. But I got a job that gave me insurance. Unfortunately, the job also triggered major depression and anxiety (along with my dad being hospitalized), and I had to leave. I still have the insurance through COBRA, but it's *very* expensive. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep it. I'm part time employed right now, and of course I'm making less money. However, there are options for uninsured people. Someone on this board recommended Catholic Charities, which offers therapy on a sliding scale. Sliding scale is when they base your ability to pay on your income. I don't know if they are in your area, but you could look in the phone book. Another possibility is that your state or county may have a sliding scale mental health center. I found mine through my minister at church; if you go to church or synagogue, you could ask your minister, or you could look in the phone book under "mental health services".

Goodgirl00, you need to do something about the depression as soon as possible! I urge you to try my recommendations. Hopefully someone else will reply to your message and offer some more advice.

Don't suffer for years on end like I did when I was a kid! It's not worth it! I couldn't get help for myself then, but I can now. You can, too.

Best wishes and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 2:18am
Hi.

I need to tell you, that I know precisely what you're going through. I have walked in your shoes. For me, I was dead. I had no emotions. I would sob all day, but yet at the same time, I wasn't sad. I wasn't happy. I didn't care about anyone or anything. My desires, wants, needs, interests COMPLETELY disappeared. It was as if I was a walking corpse. The most mundane activity you could think of, was absolutely impossible for me. If for example, I managed to make my bed, that, was a MAJOR accomplishment. Sadly, if I had managed to do that, it was the only accomplishment for the day. I couldn't work. All I was able to do was stay in bed. Out of pure guilt, once in a while I would sit in the living room with my husband while he watched television. I remember looking at the TV, and not comprehending one single solitary thing. I couldn't read. Believe me when I say, that I was dead. There is help for you. I know because I am now well, and I'm the happiest I have ever been in my life, all because of the fantastic caregivers in my life; the medical professionals who truly believe in what they're doing. Additionally, if it weren't for my husband, the professional caregivers, and, drugs - antidepressants for one, I honestly have no idea of where I'd be today. Please... reconsider and seek professional care. "Saturn42" really had some good ideas/advice. There are ways to obtain help WITHOUT the exhorbitant costs, and, there are individuals out there who aren't in it just for the money. Please - pick up that telephone and make some inquiries.