Here goes nothing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Here goes nothing...
1
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 10:55pm
Hello. My name is Jennifer. I am 21 years old and just got out of my second violent engaement. That is right 21 years old and twice I have been near the alter. I suffer from depression and anxity. I have gone to doctors and all they can do is seem to prescribe medications, which i dont like. I only have one great friend. My ex's ex-best friend (they are no longer friends due to the fact of the abuse) has really been there for me. He is one of those few people that I can truely relate to. However as everything in my life it is more complicated than that.... We are clearly attracted to each other, however he is having a baby with a girlfriend that he is not happy with. So my only support is even drama. I am slipping farther and farther into a depressed state. I feel like that I am at a dead end at my life. My family is mad at me, I have no friends and no lovers. Help!!! Its just so difficult sometimes to face day after day. I want to change my life, I want to be happy, I want to be strong, I want to be me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 2:54am
Jenny,

I'm so glad that you got out of that relationship. I would strongly recommend that you go to meetings for Al-Anon and CoDa (a 12 step group for codependency with toxic relationships).

You can find out where these groups meet by calling Alcoholics Anonymous near you listed in your phone book. They will help you recognize why you get into relationships with destructive people. You can also meet friends there who are supportive, healthy and getting healthier.

I know that 21 is young and most people say "You have your whole life ahead of you." It's true, but most of us were pretty messed up and confused in our 20s. I'd hate to do those years again. I'm enjoying my 30s much more because I know who I am and what I won't put up with anymore. You just need to interact with some people who have a more positive perspective and can show you how to stop the addiction to drama and intensity. Then you can figure out what you enjoy and how you can create a peaceful life that you will love.

It's probably not going to help to say this, but don't let yourself be alone with your friend. There's nothing but pain down the road of letting that friendship get physical. Have phone conversations, but no "I miss you" kind of stuff, and no private moments, unless you really want to have more guilt and shame, this time about breaking up a "family." There's no life that's so bad that getting between a man and his child won't make it much worse. No matter how strong your feelings, remember that what you do is a CHOICE. When I was your age I thought it wasn't a choice. I HAD to "follow my heart." But now I know I was following my hormones and my messed up urges for drama and intensity. Love is healthy, it isn't destructive.

Good Luck,

MariaC