trigger - no idea what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
trigger - no idea what to do
3
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 2:31pm
I've been off the board for a long time; trying to work things out on my own, but now I really am confused. It's been almost 9 months since my husband died. I'm socializing, even meeting new people, but I still cannot eat anything resembling normal meals ( I had a bad case of anorexia in my 20s) and I still have anxiety attacks. Plus, especially on the weekends, I'll crawl back into bed and hide out. I enjoy seeing people during the day but I don't want to see anybody after six pm.

I've been on effexor (again) for a month now. My doctor prescribed it for anxiety, but since then I've been becoming less and less active. I didn't spend my days in bed before. I managed to eat more. I don't think of death - but I do try not to think about the future too much because it does scare me. On a whole different level I also KNOW deep inside that life holds so much beauty and my situation will change - and the only thing holding me back is myself.

Whay can't I just revert to my former healthy lifestyle? What is wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 12:03am
I am so sorry for your loss. Go easy on yourself, you have lost someone whom you loved and agreed to share everything with. It will take time to be back to your "normal" self as you say. You are normal now, and there's nothing wrong with you. Everyone needs help sometimes, and that is good that you are socializing during the day! Needing time to be by yourself is completely natural.

Is it possible the medication you are on causes lack of appetite and tiredness? I just did a search on a medical site for effexor and it says for side effects:

SIDE EFFECTS, that may go away during treatment, include drowsiness, dizziness, weakness, nausea, decreased appetite, dry mouth, constipation, change in sexual function, increased sweating, nervousness, or tremor. If they continue or are bothersome, check with your doctor. CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE if you experience continuing headache, blurred vision, or continued weight loss. If you notice any unusual effects, contact your doctor, nurse, or pharmacist.

So maybe you might want to check with your doctor about your meds? And I sincerely hope you feel better :).

(hugs)

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 12:13am
Oh my god... it sounds to me like you are doing really well. Going out and meeting new people/making friends is something that a lot of people can't do normally... and here you are doing it 9 months after a huge loss in your life. Just that alone is amazing.

And don't feel alone about the disordered eating. I also had a really bad case of anorexia when I was young. I recovered and bulked up, but every time tragedy strikes or my life gets really stressful, I start to revert back to my old ways. Thats what depression can do to you. The depression you are feeling regarding your loss is taking you back to that low place you were when you were anorexic years ago... like an emotional portal. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's how I've always explained it for myself.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you... I think you are doing fine. Just keep trying to surround yourself with people who care about you and don't loose that attitude about knowning deep down that life is beautiful.

A little suggestion...maybe you should schedule your time more? Like if you find yourself staying in bed all day on the weekends, sign up for a class (art, writing, exercize) on saturdays.. something that will make you get up and get out. Or plan in advance to have dinner with a friend or relative every sunday... that way you would have to call up and cancel in order to stay in bed all day... which is something that you will not want to do. I know its not much, but I hope it helps.

well I'm an internet-aholic so I'm on this page a lot. If you feel like getting something off your chest I'll be here and so will a lot of other nice people.

Take care :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 7:53am

Hi there!


Its very important to remember that there is no Time limit on Grief.

*hugs