life and birthday
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| Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:27pm |
I am depressed. I have been hurt most of my life! And i cannot take it anymore! I have no friends, no boyfriend, no supportive parents and siblings. And also no relatives.
Suffered from bullies throughout my schooling years, suffered from abuse from my father, and my grandfather whom is dead for two years already lived in my house for a while before he died and he is not a gentlemen and tried to hurt me.
Classmates tried to assault me sexually.
Teachers are not helping either. I would not be bullied if they had stood up for me. Was hurt in the face and everyone saw it and my spectacles is spoiled and no one helps me.
Both are Discipline master and they bullied me too! One is a racist and the other is helping the gangsters.
I am also hurt by these three men last year.
A taxi driver too...and also other people touched me.
And also this close friend(i considered him a close friend), but he does not treat me as a friend. He promised to treat me as a younger sister and will take care of me by bringing me to the doctor whenever i am sick. And since saturday on 28 august,I am having diarrhoea,headache,and also nausea. But i have these symptoms in front of him and he left me alone. And i keep telling him that I am sick and that i have resting in bed for the past two days. He did not care!
He knows that i have no one to care for me...and that i am crying while i am typing this.
Not even my relatives...there is this cousin...a girl from well-to-do family who did a psychologist degree at Canada. and she despised me coz i have depression. She does not want to be associated with my family...all my relatives does not want to be associated with my family...My cousin told my father..."why should i be a psychologist and listen to other people's problem?" Then why in the world does she take that degree? I am just sad.
Thanks for listening(reading). I am grateful!

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Why am i so naive? Why?
I am sorry. I really don't have anyone else to tell my sadness to. I am just sad. I hope I am fine. I hope i can get myself to the psychiatrist on 6th september. I hope I am able to get there. Thanks a lot!
My friend. (SMT)Whom I like and greatly considered him as a close and trustworthy friend,the friend ihave said had beat me, betrayed me, disappointed me a dozen times... his birthday is on 5th septemebr. Which is on this sunday...
I am disappointed. I think he will be holding a birthday celebration, and he did not invite me. Two years ago, I was excited for him and another friend's birthday, which falls on september ,but of different day, and i was tight in my finances...and i bought two birthday present for them. I arranged to meet up with them on a september, to pass the birthday presents to them. I was excited and sincerely wishes them happy birthday.
But I realized one year later,(last year) that (SMT) have a celebration with his friends two years ago, (and i was not invited) and that I realized that I am not considered a friend to him.
He invited me last year to his birthday celebration, but he was keen that my sister goes to his birthday celebration rather than me. So I went to take the train but came home before boarding the train.
He called me just now,which is quite unusually, he is also my swimming instructor, saying he cannot teach me swimming this weekend. He said he would be busy doing his homework.(He is doing a degree course). But other weekends, no matter how busy he would be, he would teach me swimming. This weekend , i find it strange that he said he is extremely busy with his school's work load.
And told me that he have lesson on sunday from three to five in the afternoon. But I know he does not have lesson on sunday and that his lesson would be three hours rather than two hours. And when he was speaking to me, he was very nervous. I feel that he lied to me, and i know because of one incident when he betrayed me last year on 21st June. Which causes me to be in a situation of grave danger. Luckily, i was all right.
I hope to end my life on his birthday, 5th september, holding the necklace he gave me in my hand.
I am really sad. Really sad. That is this sunday, should I go to him before I hurt myself ? Or should I just do it on the seaside, looking at the waves and end my life. Maybe i can find peace, maybe I won't be tortured anymore.
Sweetie,
I am going to send you a guardian angel, to hold you safe and sound this weekend.
I check back in after 5th september, i hope i am able to.
I know I am able to, especially i have all of your support.
Thank you!
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support
Today , now is 6th september, 2004,10:54pm. I was the most upset especially this morning, which i thought of hurting myself...to make my friend regret that he does not even treat me as a friend.
Well...yesterday was his birthday, he did not invite me to his birthday celebration. And secondly, he promised to bring me to consult a psychiatrist today, morning, he did not turn up , instead, he went to work.
He knows that i have not been eating and sleeping well since july, and he did not care.
I have been surviving on a energy drink called "milo". He avoided my calls and did not response to my messages.
I really have no one that cares for me. I wish to die.
I really wish to.
Holding on to the necklace he gave to me on july this year. I have no other way.I have no other choice. On one cares about me.
I could not even bring myself to the doctor today. I just could not. None of my friends helps me at all...help!
Sweetie,
do you have family or anyone else out there who you can talk to?
*hugs
Hey there!
Im Nick (Nobsinger) I am 24 and I know what its like to have depression. IN college I dealt with a devestating bout with Clinical Depression and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) It was soo tuff.. and Now.. 3 years later I feel the depression coming back. The feelings of guilt, sadness, no energy.. everything seems to take some serious motivation to do, wanting to die, ect. I know what your going thru.. and It IS tuff.
Just hang in there and pray if your a prayin girl. It does work. However.. I'd love to talk more if you'd like. So, hit me back up.
-Nick (Nobsinger) On AOL IM: TheSingerNB
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