life and birthday

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
life and birthday
19
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:27pm
Hello everyone! sorry. I am thinking of ending it all on my birthday! Which happens to fall on bette midler's birthday! and i would have lived for a quarter of a century.

I am depressed. I have been hurt most of my life! And i cannot take it anymore! I have no friends, no boyfriend, no supportive parents and siblings. And also no relatives.

Suffered from bullies throughout my schooling years, suffered from abuse from my father, and my grandfather whom is dead for two years already lived in my house for a while before he died and he is not a gentlemen and tried to hurt me.

Classmates tried to assault me sexually.

Teachers are not helping either. I would not be bullied if they had stood up for me. Was hurt in the face and everyone saw it and my spectacles is spoiled and no one helps me.

Both are Discipline master and they bullied me too! One is a racist and the other is helping the gangsters.

I am also hurt by these three men last year.

A taxi driver too...and also other people touched me.

And also this close friend(i considered him a close friend), but he does not treat me as a friend. He promised to treat me as a younger sister and will take care of me by bringing me to the doctor whenever i am sick. And since saturday on 28 august,I am having diarrhoea,headache,and also nausea. But i have these symptoms in front of him and he left me alone. And i keep telling him that I am sick and that i have resting in bed for the past two days. He did not care!

He knows that i have no one to care for me...and that i am crying while i am typing this.

Not even my relatives...there is this cousin...a girl from well-to-do family who did a psychologist degree at Canada. and she despised me coz i have depression. She does not want to be associated with my family...all my relatives does not want to be associated with my family...My cousin told my father..."why should i be a psychologist and listen to other people's problem?" Then why in the world does she take that degree? I am just sad.

Thanks for listening(reading). I am grateful!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 2:00pm
Hello! I am just upset. Very upset. This guy friend, whom have beat me before, betrayed me before and disappointed me more than a dozen times ,his birthday is on this sunday, 5th september. I remembered it. But he did not invite me to his celebration. I am just sad. After so much I have given him (in terms of friendship), he does not treat me as a friend.

Why am i so naive? Why?



I am sorry. I really don't have anyone else to tell my sadness to. I am just sad. I hope I am fine. I hope i can get myself to the psychiatrist on 6th september. I hope I am able to get there. Thanks a lot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 4:23pm
Hello everyone. Especially the cl's , i don't know what to do? Please advice!(I am sorry, I don't have anyone to talk to.)

My friend. (SMT)Whom I like and greatly considered him as a close and trustworthy friend,the friend ihave said had beat me, betrayed me, disappointed me a dozen times... his birthday is on 5th septemebr. Which is on this sunday...

I am disappointed. I think he will be holding a birthday celebration, and he did not invite me. Two years ago, I was excited for him and another friend's birthday, which falls on september ,but of different day, and i was tight in my finances...and i bought two birthday present for them. I arranged to meet up with them on a september, to pass the birthday presents to them. I was excited and sincerely wishes them happy birthday.

But I realized one year later,(last year) that (SMT) have a celebration with his friends two years ago, (and i was not invited) and that I realized that I am not considered a friend to him.

He invited me last year to his birthday celebration, but he was keen that my sister goes to his birthday celebration rather than me. So I went to take the train but came home before boarding the train.

He called me just now,which is quite unusually, he is also my swimming instructor, saying he cannot teach me swimming this weekend. He said he would be busy doing his homework.(He is doing a degree course). But other weekends, no matter how busy he would be, he would teach me swimming. This weekend , i find it strange that he said he is extremely busy with his school's work load.

And told me that he have lesson on sunday from three to five in the afternoon. But I know he does not have lesson on sunday and that his lesson would be three hours rather than two hours. And when he was speaking to me, he was very nervous. I feel that he lied to me, and i know because of one incident when he betrayed me last year on 21st June. Which causes me to be in a situation of grave danger. Luckily, i was all right.

I hope to end my life on his birthday, 5th september, holding the necklace he gave me in my hand.

I am really sad. Really sad. That is this sunday, should I go to him before I hurt myself ? Or should I just do it on the seaside, looking at the waves and end my life. Maybe i can find peace, maybe I won't be tortured anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 10:02pm

Sweetie,


I am going to send you a guardian angel, to hold you safe and sound this weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 1:05am
Thank you cl-tracarts. I will try to keep myself safe ,especially on 5th september. Thank you for your support.

I check back in after 5th september, i hope i am able to.

I know I am able to, especially i have all of your support.

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 9:48am
((((Katheryn)))) We are all here for you! Please listen to Trac's beautiful words.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 11:03am
Hello! everyone. I am back. Thanks for the guardian angel.

Today , now is 6th september, 2004,10:54pm. I was the most upset especially this morning, which i thought of hurting myself...to make my friend regret that he does not even treat me as a friend.

Well...yesterday was his birthday, he did not invite me to his birthday celebration. And secondly, he promised to bring me to consult a psychiatrist today, morning, he did not turn up , instead, he went to work.

He knows that i have not been eating and sleeping well since july, and he did not care.

I have been surviving on a energy drink called "milo". He avoided my calls and did not response to my messages.

I really have no one that cares for me. I wish to die.

I really wish to.

Holding on to the necklace he gave to me on july this year. I have no other way.I have no other choice. On one cares about me.

I could not even bring myself to the doctor today. I just could not. None of my friends helps me at all...help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 2:52pm

Sweetie,


do you have family or anyone else out there who you can talk to?

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 2:23pm


Hey there!

Im Nick (Nobsinger) I am 24 and I know what its like to have depression. IN college I dealt with a devestating bout with Clinical Depression and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) It was soo tuff.. and Now.. 3 years later I feel the depression coming back. The feelings of guilt, sadness, no energy.. everything seems to take some serious motivation to do, wanting to die, ect. I know what your going thru.. and It IS tuff.

Just hang in there and pray if your a prayin girl. It does work. However.. I'd love to talk more if you'd like. So, hit me back up.

-Nick (Nobsinger) On AOL IM: TheSingerNB

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 3:53am
Hi. I can relate to you as well. Things here in my family used to be really bad but now days they're a lot better though. I still have a lot of hurt built up inside, but that's when journaling and just other stuff comes in mind. If you ever wanna talk E-mail me at nightcrowwitch@yahoo.com and/or if you have yahoo messenger (you can get it for free at yahoo.com) you can add me as nightcrowwitch and I'll message you when I'm on and see you're on too. I know how it feels to be betrayed by so-called friends and talked about behind your back. I've never really been able to trust anybody myself. I had this one friend who I once told her this secret and I told her not to tell anybody but she ended up telling this girl who was a friend of hers. I just met the girl like two weekends ago from that time and I was pissed. It wasn't really a big deal now I look back on it, but it was at the time and it was something I didn't care for people to really know about. It was just a personal thing. I definietly can relate. Write me if you want. XOXO.

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