I stink at being a grown up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
I stink at being a grown up...
17
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 8:35pm
I hate triggers. I hate when you are blind sided by something. Today, I got blind sided by somethng that happened because of a man who did not understand depression.

I realized that so often my depression manifests itself as my failure to be a good at being grown up.

I completely stink at being a grown up. It is just too hard. This is how depression makes me feel. That I am horrible at being a grown up.

I can't even begin to tell the story of how I came to this place. I just know I am a failure.

I can't even have an illness right. My legs hurt and no one knows why. Another failed experience. I could not train tonight....hurt too bad.

I am so sad.....sorry to wallow...and whine.

I guess another one of my failures.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 12:58pm
(((Brenda)))It always helps when some one says the simple words: I understand. Thank you for that. It does heal me that people feel the same things.

Though, I doubt that you understand what you have. I looked at your profile and you have a husband and 2 kids. I am 2 years younger and I have nothing. I have an empty house. Anyone who has children has left an impact on the world. Please don't forget that.

I want to join you in being that 12 year old. Though 12 was hard....lets be 8 or 9....I like coloring.

For the record, you are a very good cyber friend.


Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 1:05pm
((((Erin))) How do you remember details about little old me? I do love my neice and nephew. Take out the "aunt" part and pretend that you wrote that post to yourself. PLEASE!!!!!! Unless you are an aunt...lol..leave it in if you are.

Do I really "love life and people so much"? I hadn't noticed. lol

That post is a keeper....up on my wall.

Thank you!

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 3:21pm
Lisa What you don't understand is that I suck at being a mom. I have days where i wish I were single and alone. I can't be the type of mother to my boys that they deserve. I am staying with a husband that is teaching them that it is OK to be emotionally abusive to their wives. One time my MIL appologized to me for DH behavior. I do not want to have to do that some day. I am so confused about what to do and how to do it. If I stay I raise screwed up kids, if I go I raise screwed up kids. Either way my impact on the world stinks. I don't believe I can accept my childrens achievements as my own. I don't have any of my own. Please don't think that I am upset by your words. I am not. I can always use food for thought. I do understand what I have in my children. Do not feel you are nothing without them. Sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Maybe that's what we both see. Have you read "The seven people you meet in heaven"? It gives some insight. Also the movie "Pay it Forward".

I would love to go back to age 16. Things were great then. I would give up everything to be able to go back in time with the knowledge I have now. I was truely happy then. That's been twenty years. I've made more mistakes in this life than allowable. Now I am paying the price. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 3:54pm
((((Brenda)))) I don't believe yoooooouuuuuu... you are a good human and therefore you must be an excellent mom. Sounds to me like you have a lot to handle. Scary to feel that you are stuck in a hard situation...a situation in which you feel there is no way out.

Yet, another thing we have in common.

I don't think you could have surpassed my number of mistakes...but if you have...can we both be over the limit? lol. Yes, let's be over the limit together.

All you can do now is love your kids, and try on the way... to love yourself. Corny as that may sound.

I hope that you are investigating ways to get out of the "middle of no-where Kansas". Sounds to me like you need to make yourself a priority. Or at the very least out of this relationship. I know that at the moment it may feel impossible, but thinking about it, may make it seem more real. Then maybe someday it can become a reality.

Thanks for posting to little old me. You always make me feel understood.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 7:39pm
Lisa, I know I haven't been around much lately...but I wanted to let you know that I feel for you...you are such a wonderful caring person (you even made my day with your last post to me...and it takes a lot to make a depressed person's day!). I hope the women on this board have helped you to realize that...

I also often feel like I'm bad at being a grown-up, and I can definitely relate to the feeling of not even being able to have an illness correctly. But there is no one way to be a grown-up...it seems like many grown-ups must be doing something wrong anyway, what with all that's going on in the world today! And the support and caring you've shown everyone here makes it very clear that you are the best kind of grown-up!

I've been thinking about you and hoping that the physical and mental pain will go away for you...you deserve to be happy and pain-free,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 9:03am

(((Rose))) Thank yo so much, your words do help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 8:51am
Lisa, I think a lot of us stink at being grown ups. I think especially those who never got a real childhood. I am new here so I don't know what your situation is but as to the leg pain have they done an MRI? Lower back injuries can cause leg pain. I think maybe you should cut yourself some slack. I have been reading some of the posts and you seem to be a very caring, kind person and that can be rare. Like I said I am new here but isn't the board meant for people to whine and get support and encouragment? You don't sound whiny to me just tired and in pain. I used to love to work out before knee surgery and gaining more weight than I care to admit to. Maybe when your feeling better we can chat. I will be thinking positive thoughts for you. Blessed Be Mo

Pages