Could MOM be the source of depression?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Could MOM be the source of depression?
3
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 10:21pm
I’ve written on here before about my depression, and I believe, I’ve written a few things about my mom. I was thinking today, I feel ok health-wise, I miss my bf and family, classes are going ok, but I feel kind of down, and not for the reasons I had thought before.

Since I moved back into school on Sunday, my mother and I have been doing nothing but fighting. This is not new to us. Info on her: she doesn’t think I should date in college, she doesn’t approve of many of the things I do, I am 20 and still have a curfew, my parents don’t really let me make decisions on my own, they have sent me away to school I believe in hopes that the distance will make my bf and I break up, etc. There was a point in the summer where she told my dad that she was giving me an ultimatum: break up or move out. She never went through with it, I assume, because she figured it was ridiculous. Most of our conversations end up in fighting, and she often tries to take me shopping or out to lunch to “make up” for our fighting. One time I approached her about how she talks down to me all the time, as though I’m a little kid always lecturing me, and she completely denied it, “I can’t believe you would even say such a thing!” Well, like I said, since moving back, it’s been nothing but fighting.

Today was awful. She told me, “your boyfriend doesn’t LOVE you, he lusts after you, that’s all. That means nothing. I know what he really thinks. And you know the only reason his parents like you? Because he’s got so many problems that a pretty little girl like you comes along, takes him away, and all the problems will go to you to deal with!” I couldn’t believe she said that to me! I was furious and my heart aches. I just felt like she was making up lies in order to get a rise out of me. After that, I just got so down, and the only thing that helped was me talking to a friend of mine. His response to the whole situation was that my mom is crazy--what most people would consider normal, she thinks is absurd, and vice versa.

I basically feel that I am not good enough for her, but I think I’ve figured out why. I do everything she wants, her every whim, but it never seems like I do enough. I got a 4.0 one semester, and she didn’t even care when she has always “preached” to me that grades are the most important part of college. I think why I’m depressed is because she is always yelling at me, over anything. She yells at me so much, and eventually, a person who is constantly being yelled at will break down. I had to go to the Dr last week because I was having chest pains that were *stress* related. When I call or she calls, it goes ok for a few minutes, then the yelling begins, and then someone hangs up. I called her after this incident today, to APOLOGIZE (why am I always the one to say I’m sorry?) and she started yelling at me again. Ugh!

So, I guess I’m asking, could she be the source of my depression? Has she pushed me so far that I feel like the scum on the bottom of the shower? Has her yelling at me been the cause of why I’m so down and out right now?

Thanks in advance for your help. I hope you made it this far.

-Lauren

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 11:13pm
It's definitely possible. Do you think it may be time to start taking some steps towards independance? I can help you with that if you would like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 11:44pm
Funny you should bring that up... When I talked with my friend today, that was his only suggestion. My bf has been telling me all summer that I need to get away from her because of how she acts, but I think I needed an "outside" perspective, ie. me being off at school away from home, to see it more clearly. I’m really scared to move out right now because I don’t want to get into financial troubles, and I don’t want to make the wrong decision. Plus, I know it will hurt both my parents, especially because they won’t really see *why* I want to do so.

Edited to add: Did you mean move out completely or just slowly get out on my own? I might have mis-read that initially.


Edited 9/1/2004 11:45 pm ET ET by babe0206

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 8:30am
Hi, I am a Mom with grown children and in my opinion your Mom is a control freak and half a bubble off. I agree with Pas that your Mom is probably a large part of your depression. I suggest you starting to make plans to get out from under your parents thumb. Good luck Mo