trying to be perfect (that's hard) :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
trying to be perfect (that's hard) :)
3
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:10pm
well, this whole thing with my bf has been really hard. this week, i have had black (not just dark :)!) circles under my eyes constantly. i feel like there is a 50 pound weight on my head just weighing me down, and my heart keeps forgetting that it hurts and then remembering again. i went home to see my family and they were all so sweet to me. i could only stay one night, but it was nice to have the support and feel loved. i feel like i need to be hugged for like 12 hours straight, does that make any sense? that's all i want right now- the longest hug in the whole world (and it would be best from my bf). i had thougth i had come to some good conclusions - that i would be ok with not moving in and not even knowing when (or if) we ever would- but now in the midst of his "crisis" he dropped me off saturday and told me i was uninvited that night with his family and hasn't wanted to spend time with me since. he got upset with me tonight for having the same talk he thinks we keep having- but all i was asking was for him to tell me if we are going to be together or not and not to keep stringing me along. i can force patience for a lot of things- but when he puts something like that on me he needs to be supportive of ME- and if he is coming to terms what the therapist calls mild to moderate depression- that is not an excuse to push me away and leave me feeling unloved and confused. he says he is confused about his life- well so am i- and honestly, i think he has a lot more fiured out for him than i do - i don't even know how to make sure i pay the rent every month. i don't want to make him worse, but he makes me feel guilty for wanting to know if we are in a relationship or if we are breaking up or something. i am not him. i can't not talk to someone - or see them- for extended periods of time and not even care- in fact, be happy about it. and i don't want to be like that. i need some support myself. is that fair? he's the one hurting me- why does it get turned around if i want to talk about it or know what is going on in my own life- or ask for support myself? am i wrong?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 2:04pm
Oh sweetheart...

I wish that there was something that I could say or do to make ti all be okay for you..

Unfortunatly I am in such a weird place right now that I do not know wheich end is up and which end is down..

please know that in time things will be okay..

The b/f needs to be honest and upfront with you and tell you whats up

i hope that things get better and more clear for you and that B/F sees what he is going to loose if he doesnt decide what is right for him..

Sending oyu a ton of hugs and good thoughts and what positive vibes I have left...

Take care remember you know how to reach me if you need me..

Erin
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 5:44pm

OH sweetie, being hugged for 12 hours straight sounds like a good plan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2007
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 1:49pm

Sweetie, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

 

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