What do you do with your regrets?
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What do you do with your regrets?
| Wed, 09-08-2004 - 10:31pm |
I have been filled lately with the emotion of deep regret and guilt and I would like to know how some of you handle this. I am not very good at just putting things behind me. My husband says to just wake up and make it a new day. How is this done? I wish I knew. I have wasted most of the last twenty years regretting some of the life altering decisions I have made. How do I pick up and move on when the reminders are around me everyday? Thanks for your help. Hugs, Brenda

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wow, again I'm amazed...
I've been dealing with this issue constantly lately...Being twenty-something, single, and being liberal in a rather conservative area makes you REALLY regret some things...add depression to it, and there you go
For instance, I recently had a date with someone who decided I was a little 'too crazy' and not ladylike enough...because I had drank a little more than I should have....funny thing is that I was no where near my normal self, much less my drunk self!!
regardless, it seems like every time I date someone nice I have this thing about whether I should tell them my experience (and I mean 'experience') and I regret all the foolish nights out that have nothing to do with who I am now, but are still a part of my life......
anyway
I can't say enough how reading these posts makes me actually feel better, not that I'm enjoying someone else's pain, just that to know that other people deal with these issues...
ok, that's just my two cents, normally I can put it on a back shelf and just keep moving forward...that's my way to deal, just keep going and don't stop...but sometimes it doesn't leave...
Kas
Good questions, Brenda. You are very introspective, and I can relate to many of your posts because I had some of the same feelings you're having during my darkest periods. Caly is right, you have to believe in yourself and then you will be at peace. I started feeling better about myself after a year in therapy. My therapist kept sending me the same message over and over...you are a good person and you deserve to be happy. She helped me see that people would care about what I have to say and how I feel about things. After finally realizing how powerful and liberating that would be, I started taking baby steps to come out of my shell and like how I am. It involved taking risks, speaking to someone I normally wouldn't speak to, stating my opinion about an issue and not worrying about what other people would think, standing up to people who have been unfair to me, and
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i have regrets. many of them. a lot of them from childhood embarassments, bad decisions, etc. i'm not sure if the regrets you're talking about do this to you, but when i think of mine, my face gets red and i want to crawl into a hole! i'm still dealing with stupid things i've done and said or not done or not said. it used to be pretty bad. i couldnt control when these thoughts would take over. on the train, in a meeting, while hanging out with friends. finally, i decided that when i started thinking about one thing, i would take myself somewhere i could be alone and i would try to remember every single one of my regrets throughout my life. i did this out of a need to experiment to see if it would help. it did! sometimes i'd be in my bed or locked in the bathroom for a long long time crying and feeling just plain stupid and blushing about the mistakes i've made. but after a while i got tired of crying, or i got hungry, or i realized i had to be somewhere so i'd come out of the bathroom and leave my regrets in there. after doing this for a good couple of months, it started to seem funny to me, some of my regrets. things that no one else probably even remember except me. things that only live on in the part of my brain that struggles to keep me down in that deep dark lonely hole that is depression. i hate that part of my brain!! i call it my evil green monster. i realize it is actually out to get me! it wants me to stay depressed, anxious, angry. it gets annoyed when i laugh or live well or remember that taking a long walk helps my mood in a huge way. that same green monster replays my regrets to my over and over and over again. it lets toxic friends stay friends. luckily that monster is weak and I am strong. I can overpower it, its just that sometimes I forget that.
ok, i got to rambling and got away from myself.
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