Dont want to live anymore (trigs)

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Dont want to live anymore (trigs)
10
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 9:41am
I guess the title says it all. I dont know what else to say. The circumstances in my life right now, well they arent good. I should have been a hermit because Im not good with people, and there are too many flaws. I am taking medication but I dont think this has to do with medication. I just want to give up no matter if I had good meds or not. Its not just about the chemicals in my brain, thats just a small portion of it. If that was fixed then I believe I would still feel this way. The things going on hurt too much. Ive tried to find therapists or counsellors, etc. They seem to be jerks, all of them. They interrupt and seem not to care about what they are doing. I get up each morning, whether its a good day or not, wondering why I had to get up. Why couldnt I fall asleep and never wake up. I try to reach out but get rejected or ignored. I dont know what else to do. I just want to give up, I dont think this is worth it. Thanks for listening. I hope I didnt bring anyone down or triggered any sad feelings for others.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 10:18am
Hello Idreamy,

Did you know tonight at 7 there is a support chat? I am new here and have been lurking for only a few days. I am so glad to have found this site. I am confident it will be a great support to me in my keeping well. 'Reaching-out' I only wish I had known of such a thing in my early days. (I may have not had to be hospitalized so often.)

I was first hospitalized & diagosed in my early 20's. What a difficult time it was back then. I since then learned how to accept & cope with my illness. First off was coming to the realization that my illness was just 'a part' of me. Not who I am. I had to change my perception. (lots of check-ins)

A big part of living with my illness, is having a good support network, I can depend on, when my triggers, (symptoms) tend to creep up. I have learned to identify behaviors and what anxiety is like for me. & have learned a number of copeing skills through cognitive behavior therapy and applying just the few techniques that help me to overcome and live sucessfully day to day.

idreamy - please keep reaching-out, and keep searching for that POSITIVE dream that lies ahead of you. Don't let your stresses or trouble get the best of you.

what's 'idreamy' ?? " a kitten or a tiger " Sometime US WOman, have to find our OWN innerVOICE!!!

I look forward to reading your posts. & do hope you find what works best for you.

~gg

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 1:04pm
(((((idreamy)))))) Oh sweetie. If you ever feel that you want to hurt yourself, be sure and call a hotline. There should be no hesitation, if you need to call, just go ahead and do it.

I for one think you are a lovely human and I look forward to seeing your posts on the board. I am worried about you.

I have not been doing to well, I was afraid to be triggered, honestly. But you are an important member of the board, and I really care about you.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 6:03pm
i think you know that i am going through a pretty down time myself right now. and in some ways, my life looks pretty bleak and i don't want to live it at all. but i try to focus on how much i have ahead of me and that the only limits are those that i put on myself- for example, i make so little money right now i literally think i am at the poverty level. but, that doesn't mean that there isn't something i will fall into- i could win the lottery, i met a friend in the past few years who is an amazing publisher- i could write a book and sell millions of copies, even more realistic i could stumble upon a job that pays well and leads to better. there are things that i dream about, and judging by your name i bet you do too. i dream about my future family- having a husband and kids. i dream about all of the things that could make me happy coming true. i think it is worth sticking around to see if any of them can/will happen. worst case scenario, you get to live. you get to be alive and experience this world and all that it entails for the short time we have here. i think it's worth it.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 2:02pm
Seems like a lot of people are feeling what the title describes. Im glad we are banded together here because the past few days you guys have been keeping me up. Life is so hard and painful, but I suppose there are some moments that are worth living for...I dont feel it but I think it. Voguegirl I printed off your reply to me and put it on my bulletin board. I think it was written beautifully and read it often. I dont see the end of this road, but there may be one. I dont know. Ive been convinced to try for a little while longer to see where the road leads me. Anyways enough babbling, Ive got homework to do and Im actually able to concentrate on it for short periods of time. take care
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 6:08pm
hi darling i just read your post and i cryed so much.

I had feel like you so many times, but i look to my daughter and i keep going. just to see her grow and see how wonderful her life coud be. I don't want to miss that . I also keep my hopes up that someday I get rid of this depression and be very happy like you this is GOING to happen just don't give up JUST YET PLEASE !!!!


love .......vivian

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 7:19pm
I feel the same too. I keep fantasizing about getting hit by a car while crossing the street, or being shot in a holdup or something. With 36 years of loneliness and isolation under my belt, it's pretty damn hard to keep believing that some amazing change will happen in my life to turn it all around. Sometimes it seems like just to stop it all would be such a relief.
Avatar for mumontherun
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:14pm
How are you feeling, Michelle? I'm not doing so great myself, so I can't offer much encouragement, I'm afraid. But I want you to know that I'm thinking of you.

Love, Nicola

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 9:41am
I too have experienced lonliness and isolation, but for "only" 17 years. Previously in my life these didn't last too long and then rectified themselves. My problem seems to be that nobody likes me. And yet I've been told many times that I'm a nice person. I get rejected by family, friends, co-workers and even neighbors. When it is suggested that I volunteer or go to church, I hesitate because I am afraid of rejection there. That is more painful to me than the lonliness. The reason that I'm afraid is that I have tried these things, only to get personally rejected.Does any one else have feelings like these?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 11:55am
(((((HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS)))))

You know For about the past two weeks I've been feeling the same way, I feel like nobody ever hears or listens to me either, it's so difficult I know. The only time or place anyone really understands me are here on these message boards. I beleive I have posted to you on the message board Ray Of Light, I was lurking and thought I'd post here too. I'm sorry you feel so down, I'm always here to help if you need someone. Please remember that you are an important part of this world, and you have alot more worth than you think :o). Hold your head up and try to stay strong my friend. Your in my thoughts.

Donna (hoogy2004)

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 3:07pm
To all of you guys, THANK YOU for sharing your experiences, thoughts, and support to me and each other. I am doing ok, feeling better. Still stressed out, still depressed, but taking it day by day still and being proud of myself when I do a good job in something. You all have an amazing purpose on this earth. If I can say nothing else, then I will say that you have possibly actually saved my life. The day I posted this, I had the "tool" I was going to use & do myself in. I thought about you guys, and then by that night I had decided to give it a little time. I really love you all, THANKS :)