How do I become a positive person?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
How do I become a positive person?
3
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 5:38pm
This is a neat message board, and maybe someone can help me.

I have been super depressed for months now because my husband left me. Before this, I’ve always tended toward a negative outlook on life, sort of a “glass half empty kind of person” with low self-esteem. My feelings are hurt very easily, and I latch onto what is wrong in my life instead of being happy about all the good stuff. This obsessing about things going wrong is partly why my husband left me. Now that he is gone, I am sadder than ever.

I’ve spent time in therapy and it has helped. I have all kinds of self-help books and they are good too. I’ve tried antidepressants, but they don’t work for me personally. I know they can be great for others but my body is very sensitive to medication, and the side effects are greater than the benefits. St. John’s Wort and Sam-E seem to help a little.

Anyway, I have pretty good knowledge of all the things I should be doing, like exercising, not drinking, getting out with friends, doing charity work, meditating, and eating right. The problem is that I am having the hardest time making myself do those right things.

How do you do it? How do you make yourself do what you know is best for you instead of continuing to do the things that only hurt you more? I need to do these right things in order to stop being depressed but I feel too depressed to start doing the right things.

PS: My husband is interested in getting back together, but AGAIN, I do the wrong thing. I keep starting fights and bringing up problems. If I would be a positive person, he would want to get back together. He says I am not changing enough to be together, and it is true.

Every day now I think that life is a disappointment, but really the source of the disappointment is myself. I hope this message makes some sense to somebody or maybe one of you will have an idea to help me change.

Josie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 11:57pm

It sounds like you have taken step towards self improvement. It

prodi_gal

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 10:55am
Thank you prodi-gal! I will try setting some small daily or weekly goals, so all the changes don't seem so overwhelming. As far as bringing up past problems, I should keep in mind that they never get me what I want. It just makes everything worse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 7:55pm

Hi Josie!


Since you say that Therapy and self help books have helped some then may I suggest what worked for me.


Its called Cognitive Behavior Therapy and basically teaches you how to turn your negative thoughts to positive ones. It is especially helpful with low self esteem.


You can look around for a therapist in your area that specializes in it and may you also want to get the book


Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think
By

*hugs