i'm so sad please someone write me back

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
i'm so sad please someone write me back
5
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 5:42pm
hi my name is vivian i just turn 30 yesterday but my life is a disaster.

i been takin zolof since may, but i don not think is working for me. my biggest problem is my relationship with my boyfriend. he is wonderful, but because of my aptitud I destroyed everything. i don't understand my aptitud I fight so much I am always the provoker, I said so many hurtful things and then I get so depress that i can not get out of my bed, work, eat or talk to anybody. yesterday i did it again and I do not know what to do anymore. I hate myself so much for this. I had done it so many times that I feel he thinks i never going to change eventhough he does not says that.

I really hate my self. I been cryng all day I feel so guilty.

like I said before he is a wonderful person, very sweeet and always willing to help me with everything, but I feel I'm putting him to too much with my aptitud,my depression and my negative thoughts. I LOVE HIM A LOT and he does to. I really want to change.

I used to be a very happy person, but now i don't even reconize myself. I don't have any friends to talk to and I really feel i need to do it . yesterday I cryed so much and ask god for some help and today i found this webpage. I don't want to lose him but i'm afraid i'd never change and make him miserable eventhoght in my heart is the last thing i want to do . I also know he will be very sad if i leave him he really does love me a lot, he always forget the hurtful thing i said when i fight, but i constanly ask my self for how log he would do it and if it's fear for him to keep doing it. He's alway telling me that i'm going to get better he supports me a lot. and eventhogt i KOWN he loves me and has plans with me for the future i ALWAYS say the opposite when i fight and I keep hurting him and my self. why i keep doing this AM I CRAZY ?????????

what can i do? is this happenning because of my depression.

please some help !!!!!!!


Edited 9/14/2004 7:21 pm ET ET by vivian1374
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 7:01pm
Vivian, First of all, I hope you did something special for your 30th birthday! I think you have been on Zoloft long enough to tell if it's working for you and it sounds like it definetly is not! You need to talk to your doctor and tell him how you are feeling. He may want to increase the dosage or change meds altogether.

Please know tho, that you are not alone. negative feelings, and feelings of anger can come with depression. The right med should help tho.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you feel? He needs to know that you are not really angry at him.

I hope you give your doctor a call and continue to post here and let us know how you are!

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 7:45pm

Hi Vivian and Welcome!


Debbie is right in that you have been on Zoloft long enough to tell if its working and obviously its not doing the job for you.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 8:00pm
thnak you cl

today i haven't stop crying i feel so sad for my boyfried I had hurt him so much

and I not even know why. he was so good to me and all i did was pushed him away.

at the beginning of my treatment i felt good, but then may sex drive went to zero and I started to feel useless and this i think triggered my depresson again.

my boyfriend was very supportive about this but me as always screwed things up.

what can i do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 8:18pm

Hi again Viv.


Anti depressants can often affect your sex drive and I can see where that would make your depression worse not better.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 10:56am
Hi Vivian, I agree with everyone who has written so far. Call your Doctor. I had the same problem and it was fixed with an increase in dosage. Also, you have to concentrate on you right now. I don't mean to sound calous (sp?) but you are the one who needs help and support, so dont worry about him, he will be fine. Sounds like a good guy. Also, have you tried therapy? I went from individual to group, and the group really helped. Everyone is in the same boat. Mine was for self esteem and relationships. I really saw things differently. It took a year, but was well worth it. Hang in there, the sun will come out, sometimes you just have to push it.

Good luck, and keep posting

Peg