i want to be ok but i'm not

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
i want to be ok but i'm not
7
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 8:03pm
i feel like i am on the ground and still getting kicked from every direction. i am usually so social, and i have been having panic attacks around people and i can't be anywhere or do anything i am just too sad. i know that a break up should not make me feel as bad as i do- i know there are other guys, time, it's not right, etc. but it has been like a domino effect and i am honestly not ok. i know i need to be ok alone. but i miss him and want him and can't take this anymore. i really just want to die right now, and i haven't felt that way for a long time. i am scared and sad- so so sad. i just went to this function and i ran into a friend of his- the guy told me he had heard that we weren't doing so well and had been talking to him and how sometimes people just "want different things" but still love each other. that is where we are now? different things apparently = i want him and he wants to run away. every inch of me hurts and wants to stop feeling this way so badly. i just don't know how and time seems to be making it worse not better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 8:14pm

(((((((((((((((((ERIN)))))))))))))))))))))))

*hugs             

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:15pm
Hello there. You helped me so much. Your message to me was so touching that I printed it out & it was the first thing on my bulletin board. I have read it every day since I printed it. Since you guys just broke up a little while ago, I think sometimes it feels worse for awhile before it gets better. I think its because each day you go from day to day without that aspect in your life. I know you can make it. It can get better. I am going from day to day, just taking it slow, and I find myself getting a little stronger everyday and hopefully not going to relapse for awhile. I know you can do it too, because I was on the brink and Im still here. If you ever want to email me, you can contact me through my profile. Otherwise please keep posting to let us know how you are doing. Maybe some things can help you like talking to a therapist or taking meds. Do you have a friend you can confide in? Just know that we are all your friends here and so am I. Sending huge cyber HUGS to you. Take care & thank you so much for your support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 10:22pm
(((Erin)))) I so know that feeling. The rug being swept out from under you. But we are here to help you tape down that pesky rug. I love the title of your post. It says you want to be ok. I am glad that you "want" to be ok. It is ok that you are not.

It is not a light switch. I wish it was.....but we are here for you.

Don't forget that.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 11:24pm
you guys- i love all of you and appreciate all of your sentiments. please don't be upset for the correction- but i'm not erin. erin is irisheyes. that's ok, we're friends though. i am still here- crying and scaring my poor mom that i am so sad- but still here. every time someone writes me i feel a little better, so thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 2:38am
Sweetie,

I'm so sorry. I sure hope that you don't think that I want you to be any place other than where you are. You are in the middle of the horrible, wrenching loss. And how FLEEMPING HORRIBLE it is to hear through some third party more of an explanation for this terrible betrayal than he has given to YOU!

AfterI had my heart ripped out by the first guy I told you about, our only mutual friend told me he said that we were "just too different." That was way more than he EVER told me. In fact, he wouldn't tell me anything, even though we'd been best friends for 5 years before we dated.

My point is that I know how horrible it feels to have something like that happen.

I feel for you, Sweetie.

Don't pressure yourself to be anywhere other than where you are right now. This is a major emotional betrayal. It has ripped your whole reality out from under you.

Please call me any time that you want someone to listen. I'm here for you, Sweetie. I'm deeply sorry that this has happened. I hope you can talk to him soon.

Hugs,

Maria

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 9:35am
I am so sorry!!!!! We have so many Erins here! Honestly, we made an honest mistake. But we have about 4 Erins...so we were not mistaking you for irisheyes or vwtrixie!!! Those are only two that come to mind!

(((((Voguegirl))))) We hope you are feeling ok...better will take some time.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 3:19am
VG, don't feel badly about the name mix-up. I've had plenty of people call me "Caly" since my board name is similar to her actual name. Since you don't give your real name on the board, people probably just started projecting a name onto you.

I want you to know that you are still in my thoughts and prayers right now.

MariaC