What is going on with me??? (trigs??)
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| Wed, 09-15-2004 - 10:23am |
Let me give you a little background, maybe that will fill in the blanks. I've been married for almost 14 years and have 3 kiddos whom I love dearly. We recently bought a house in the country and I had to quit my job and move about 50 miles. We live in a small rural community now that really doesn't welcome new people. My husband grew up here, so he's generally accepted, but he's a loner, doesn't really have the urge to make new friends or have people over for visits. I on the other hand, am a more outgoing person and thrive on being around people of common interests and ideals. Now that we've moved here, I feel trapped, lonely, forgotten.
I never moved before I met and married my husband, and I don't make friends easily, but I cherish the ones I have...so over the years as we've moved from city to city and in some cases state to state...I feel more isolated than ever. Then to further complicate things, not only does my husband not care to have friends, he gets suspicious of me for wanting to go out, make an hour drive to the city and visit with the few friends I have left. Every time I go, we have a terrible fight the next day, so I feel like I am smothering. I can't make friends in this little town, because if your not a community member, or a member of their church, your not worthy. I can't maintain my friendships with my friends and maintain my marriage. And the few friends I have are always belittled and brought down by my husband, as not having the same "goals" we have, etc etc...It's always something. So what used to be an occasional problem with mood swings is a constant up and down now. I think more and more about leaving, crying all the time, wanting to just go to sleep so I don't have to deal, or just what would it be like if I just give up and don't wake up at all....
I mean, I just don't know what to do!

Welcome to the board,
I would say that based on what you write that you are totally feeling smothered, and having no me time.