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| Sat, 09-18-2004 - 10:17pm |
Hi,
Lately I have had a hard time "enjoying today"
My DH and I are making steps that will make our future more stable.....and I consider myself very lucky for the oppertunities we have been given.....but my problem is that all of my happiness is on reserve for when I complete this one obstacle....which wouldnt be too bad except the completion is 9 and a half months away. At the end, this will have taken me three and a half years to complete. Its gotten to the point where things that would always cheer me up dont even cut it anymore.
Lately I have had a hard time "enjoying today"
My DH and I are making steps that will make our future more stable.....and I consider myself very lucky for the oppertunities we have been given.....but my problem is that all of my happiness is on reserve for when I complete this one obstacle....which wouldnt be too bad except the completion is 9 and a half months away. At the end, this will have taken me three and a half years to complete. Its gotten to the point where things that would always cheer me up dont even cut it anymore.
I dont know how to explain the feeling i have.....its not sad....its just lifeless, nothing excites me, or keeps me motivated the way it used to.
I am nervous that I am putting all my eggs in one basket....and then if my basket breaks.....you know where I'm going.. I want to be able to be happy now. But I'm not. I;m just "blah," and I hate that.
anyone else feel like this or have advice on how to enjoy the day instead of the future?
thanks
michelle
Edited 9/18/2004 10:21 pm ET ET by miss_giraffe

(((((Michelle))))), welcome!
I really have to work on seeing and more importantly *appreciating* the happy things around me. I know they are there.....I dont know how I became such a down person....it's like i just woke up and was like this.....but i know I used to be different...and if i think back i guess it happened slowly.....ugh! I wish I could go back in time and see when i started to let myself not care about things.....I would run right up to myself and yell "stop it!"
I am going to try to find somthing everyday...and I do love the sound of rain! Today was rainy and I still let myself get in one of my moods......*sigh*
Thanks for your advice. Now that I found this board i think i will be sticking around a bit.
:o)
michelle
Michelle
February 1, 2002 Married my Best Friend<
I'm another newbie here and I thought that I was the only one in the world whos depression centered on the future. I am in a long distance relationship with a man that I dearly love and we are waiting and working on preparing our finances so that we can be together and get married in about a year and a half. Sometimes I let myself get so caught up in that, that I can't see what is in front of me right now. I have 3 great kids that I really try to make time to enjoy, and it works most of the time, but still in the back of my mind, the fact that I'm in the central US and he's in Alaska creeps up on me.
Top it all off with the fact that I'm in a job that's high stress and low pay and it gets to be too much at times. Today was a real challenge...my first weekend off since who knows when, and all I can think about is him. Separation anxiety hit really hard and all I wanted to do was sleep. Now it's almost 3 am and here I am, cruising ivillage until I came here for help.
I hope things get better for both of us!!
Barbie
Its aweful isnt it. There is a big different between being anxious/excited and being overwhelmed about the future. I feel like my life is on hold until then. What makes me worried is that I at one point "couldnt wait" to be where I am now....and here I am and of course there is somthing else.
I remember being engaged and it was the same thing. We had a two year enagement to wait until I finished school. I rememeber thinking that life would be so great after the wedding. Now its almost three years later, both DH and I are in school again.....and its the same feeling. We moved into his parents house while we do this......which is really nice of his family, but kinda hard at the same time. I entered a 3 year program, so its been a long time. This is my last year, and I remember thinking that at this point I would be so excited to be almost finished....but I'm not. I mean, I still want to be done, but there is no excitement. Before, topics that cheered me up included: moving, haveing babies, buying things for our new place. And now, those topics do nothing for me.....SO that freaks me out, becuase if I'm not excited for that (future) then is this just the feeling I'm always going to have? yuck!!
I'm glad we found each other. :o) Maybe hearing about such a similiar feeling from someone else will give us an objective view and we can learn how to stop putting our happiness on hold!
:o)
michelle
Michelle
February 1, 2002 Married my Best Friend<
Hi there!
I love your screen name!
*hugs
yeah I love giraffes! I have too many! FOr a while there it caught on and that was the birthday/Christmas gift of choice by everyone!
I do put a lot of stock into events. I think one things thats keeping me down lately is my living situation. DH and i are living with his parnets while we are in school, which is great financially but tough emotionally. I'm a homebody. I love decorating, cooking, even cleaning(lol) but its not my place to decorate cook or clean in. We have a little kitchen area in the space we live in......but its not the same..I cooked down here today and now the place smells like flounder and coucous. lol.
DH is working full time and going to school full time. So he is rarely around. I think thats another thing that is making me "blah." I spoke to him today about trying to spend more time at home, and we are trying to work out a schedule that fits us both....its so hard, you'd think living with someone youd see them so much youd be sick of them.....not the case for us.
Thanks for the poem! I want to print it out if I can get my printer to work. :o)
michelle
Michelle
February 1, 2002 Married my Best Friend<