Cymbalta

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Cymbalta
6
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 5:42am
Has anyone heard anything about this medication? It is fairly new & is supposed to help my anxiety along with the depression. I had been on Prozac for at least 7 years and it really wasn't helping anymore. I could function well enough to get through work, but our house was a series of piles of things in every room.

DH told me 2 weeks ago that he is not sure he loves me like a wife & that if we split he will keep our 12 year old son. Since we have been married 18 years, the last has been rocky, I admit. This came as quite a shock to me. I was physically ill from the stomach pain, fear and hopelessness. He has been writing to other women on the internet & talking to at least one of them on his cell phone. I found a text message "love you" that was not from me on his cell.

Oh yes, his mother moved in with us about 3 weeks ago. Since then he says he will do everything he can to "try" to make this work because he loves me in his heart & also does

not want to put our son thru an ugly divorce. His mom is great! Has been helping with the laundry, dishes, ironing, even takes our son to school each morning. It has really taken a domestic load off of me. But I still worry each day that he won't go to a marriage counselor like he said & I will end up separated around Christmas time. That would be awful. Just like in the old days at home where nothing I did could make my alcoholic father love me like I needed. Anyway! I could really use some encouragement now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: bkcurlylocks
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 6:13am
Yes--I've heard of it. It was approved just a little over a month ago I believe. My pdoc says he may try me on it---he was waiting for samples and a little more info.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
In reply to: bkcurlylocks
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 7:38pm
Thanks for the reply. Since I am new to this, what would be a better way to get some encouragement or suggestions on how to cope with a long term marriage possibly going bad?

It is really triggering old issues for me and a big fear of abandonment. I don't really think DH could get custody of our kid, just because I have been treated for depression, but it was a BIG threat to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: bkcurlylocks
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:40pm

welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: bkcurlylocks
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 3:08pm
The reply right before mine (can't remember her name) has some very excellent advice about your marriage.

I can tell you that I had to leave my marriage, and while it was not as long as yours and we had no children, it was my 2nd marriage failure, so was a real downer. Actually, he left, but I had wanted to get out for a long time, but did not have the courage. I was also afraid of abandonment mainly due to our financial problems, as I was afraid I'd have to file bankruptcy and just thought that would be the end. My depression had immobilized me to stay in a miserable marriage from this fear, doing much damage to my self esteem.

Well--I did have to file bankruptcy, but I lived through it! I've found out several things about myself, and I think the number one thing is I like being on my own as the occasional loneliness I feel doesn't compare to the loneliness I felt while living in the house with someone who damaged our marriage vows so. My guy probably did cheat on me, but by the time I really had evidence of it, I no longer cared and just wanted out. For me, it started with finding loads of internet porn sites on our computer, staying away from home lots, lying about loads of things (in fact I realized after he left that nearly every thing he told me was a lie, even while dating), not believing in depression, and even making fun of me for it, and refusing also to see a marriage counselor. Because of his lies, that contributed to our financial problems, though I certainly contributed also, but I did not lie and never cheated.

The bottom line is that: you are a strong person and a worthy person of love, foremost of your own love. Whatever it takes to get your through this possible divorce do it: counseling, prayer, support groups, this board, your friends, etc. Every port in a storm you know. First you must deal with your depression as you need to start to feel better in general, but also about yourself and stronger. I'm not saying things will be a rose garden when you have your depression under control, but you will realize that this disease truly colors things to a color that IS NOT TRUE. By feeling stronger, you can fight for your son (and being on anti-depressants is NOT a reason to lose custody!!). Remember, a lot of the negative things your husband is telling you is another way of beating you down. There are many reasons he may do this: his own childhood demons, trying to weaken you so you can't fight for your son, trying to weaken you so you'll give up the financial things or other things that you legally and morally deserve from your time together. If you don't have the $$$ to hire a good lawyer, there are options. While I was going through bankruptcy, I also didn't so found in the newspaper, where the local Legal Aid Society held a free seminar at our local library monthly on handling your own divorce and I learned tons there. These are just some ideas, but I would say to also continue your counseling through this whole thing, both to help with your depression and any marital woes you have, whether you decide to stick it out or divorce.

As far as your initial question, I just started on Cymbalta yesterday. I've not been on it long enough to see any side effects, except I've had mild stomach pains. It is such a new drug, that I've not been able to find out much info on it either. So if you've already started it also, maybe we can learn together :-)

Good luck, whatever you decide. Remember: "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."

-- Janis Joplin

Tamara

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
In reply to: bkcurlylocks
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 6:50pm
Thanks for sharing with me. I have been on the Cymbalta for 2 weeks now. It is helping much more than my weekly Prozac was. I am not as exhausted or irritable. I also have a sex drive again, but am not really sure what to do with it.

Right now DH and I have decided to treat each other like two people who love each other and want to work things out. I am still afraid he won't get professional help, but know I need it anyway. You know those former military guys are not very good about sharing or verbalizing any kind of emotions. He actually used to tell me, "Of course I love you! I sleep at home every night & put all my paycheck in our joint account". Being a child of an alcoholic, I am always afraid of "doing things wrong". But I was finally able to tell him that those things are great, but sometimes I need the words too.

I always thought the people who would stay with someone who broke their heart were pathetic. The saying is true that it's different when the shoe is on the other, or in this case on my, foot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: bkcurlylocks
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 11:00pm
Good on you and your hubby for trying to work things out! I wish you the best of luck and hope you both find your way--together. I do have to say though that the #1 problem in most marriages is communication (or lack of it). I think it is a skill that most of us need help with, hence the therapy.

You may be right that the shoe is on the other (your) foot, but I don't find people that want to stay with someone they love pathetic. You can still have your self esteem and be married :-)

Just remember to stay ahead of your depression and again to communicate about it.

I find that men have a hard time with our depression because it's something they cannot "fix". They have a hard time understanding that no matter how loving, patient, or always there they are, it is a disease--like cancer or diabetes. One thing you might offer is to to let your hubby meet privately with your therapist so he can ask any questions he may have about depression. Or, another option is to give him articles/books to read about it, but most men will not settle long enough to read, LOL.

Keep us posted.

Tamara