In Need of a Kind & Gentle "Answer"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
In Need of a Kind & Gentle "Answer"
10
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:08am

Okay, this is the only board I thought I could come to with this one, and with the holidays coming up (and everyone and their sister pregnant and due early next year) this is likely to be a *hot topic* and I don't want to rain on anyone's overly-idealized parade of what it's like to be a parent in the real world in the year 2004 ~ everyone's bubble's gotta burst on its own, however, I do need a *STFU this is not up for discussion* type comment that will put out the question without causing more, kwim?


I'm going to presume that we all understand the basic "workings" of depression.


And that we all understand that if we're medicated for the depression & the medication works, we shouldn't intentionally do anything to f' up an otherwise working deal, right?


A'ight, how to

Photobucket
Avatar for all_girls4me
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 12:25pm
Why do you have to justify it at all? Why not just say if somebody asks you why you don't want more kids " our family is just perfect right now". People are way to nosey. It's really nobody's business if you want one child or ten. Good for you that you recognize the affects it can have. But you don't have to go into any detail with anybody if you don't want to. I think having one child is perfectly fine.

Hugs Ilka



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 2:44pm
I agree with Ilka, you don't have to justify anything you do or do not want to do with your life. Good for you that you know and understand what you want and what you feel would be in the best intrest of you, your family and potential children. I know it is easier said than done. I'v been there and done that. I'm 37 and not married yet, and no kids. I hear "Why not?" all the time. People are nosy and intolerant of others who don't live just like them. Blow them off. (nicely). You might try asking them why they are nosy and why can't they accept your decission about your life when it dosn't affect them one bit. Pointing out you don't ask them questions about their life. Reguardless, I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck. (((((HUGS)))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 3:54pm
So many answers. The simplest of which is to tell people that your life is "none of their darn business."

But you can also say non specific things like: "We aren't have more kids for many reasons." " I am not having kids for medical reasons." "I am not having kids for personal reasons." "It is too complicated for us to have more children." "We have our reasons"

I wish we lived in a world where people would nose out of sweet sensitive people's life.

I hope anything I have said has helped.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 4:37pm

OH i HATE when people ask!!!!


I have no children and DH and I are waiting to try......people CONSTANTLY ask me "so when are you going to get pg?" SOmeone once literally put thier hand on my tummy and asked "any babies yet?"


CAN YOU IMAGINE!?!?!?!


This is aweful but I was so fed up, one time I asnwered. I cant have children. I felt bad saying that (dont want to jinx myself!) but it sure shut them up fast!!


My sister has chosen not to have anymore children (she has 2) and she just quickly answers "nope, I'm done" and smiles.


Why are people so nosey??


michelle






Michelle


February 1, 2002

Michelle

February 1, 2002  Married my Best Friend<

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:49pm

I am diabetic when I am pg and a bad one at that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 5:29am
I tend to agree with the none of your business but I saw in Ann Landers once this question. Her reply was to reply "Why do you want to know?". I think your being mature and realistic about what you want. I see women in the store with four or five kids and most of them just look tired. Don't let other peoples lack of tact and manners get to you. Hugs Mo

Maureen/Mo

If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 5:56am
Tell all your critics to call me, I decided at age 30 to have a tubal ligation, had been married a year and a half and never had any kids of my own. I had NO trouble with the surgeon doing it, but had a rude nurse ask me on my way into the surgery room, "did I know what I was there for", when she asked how many kids I had, (inquisitive I guess), and I said none. I still laugh, as what did she think, my husband told me I was going for a liposuction and would wake up fixed?

I think in today's world a lot of people are choosing to have smaller families, or zero like mine, (I do have 2 stepkids that have never lived with us).

I would just tell them you have decided not to have any more and let them roll their eyes or whatever. Those type of people would probably be critical on something else you did anyways. Hugs, Josie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 4:02pm

Hi hun,


This one hit home for me Big time, since after I had my Son I had 2 miscarriages and a great deal of trouble getting pregnant again so after 5 years we decided it was not meant to be and were just glad we had one loving healthy child.


What was hard was all the comments from friends and aquaintances at church and preschool. "so when are you going to have another child?"

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 8:37am

""Why do you want to know?"


thats a good one! Its like you are pointing out to them how nosey they are being and putting THEM on the spot instead!


SImilarly, if someone questions your salary you can reply, "Are you asking me how much money I make?"


Its like you are making them validate their question and not hide behind any "cute phrasing"...


michelle


Michelle

February 1, 2002  Married my Best Friend<

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:29pm
For Pete's sake, who are these people and where do they come from?! And why?!

I have had the same problem, but in the opposite respect. I have 4 kids and people for some danged reason, seem to think that I need their input. My personal fave, Gee, don'cha know what causes that by now har har....no, I don't know why the baby fairy keeps picking me.

I love my children and though they were not planned, they are a blessing. From what I see, you have a gorgeous little girl and you have your head on your shoulders about what you want and need. Miss Manners would have a field day with this subject. Tell people that God gives us what we need, never more, never less.

Have a better day.

cnsw4