This is My Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
This is My Life
5
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:11pm
I go to work and pretend that I don't feel like I'm in a black hole. I smile, I sing, I dance. I give flute lessons and smile and explain things so that my students are the best. I work and smile and all I really want to do is die---but I'm not suppose to think like that. Then I have to clean up other peoples messes and do laundry and when I cry he just yells at me and then rolls his eyes and acts like I'm crazy. Well I'm not crazy but it seems the harder I try the worse I feel. I have no options left. I can't afford to divorce. He makes all the money and if I'm not working full time I need his insurance even tho it isn't very good for mental health coverage. If I could just find one 'ray of light' maybe I could continue but this just sucks! I envy those of you who at least have caring husbands to try to help you thru your depression. I just feel like I have nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
In reply to: flute54
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 6:15am
Three words ((((Deb))))) Excellent Divorce Lawyer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
In reply to: flute54
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 6:49am

(((Deb)))) I certainly did not mean to be mean or blunt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: flute54
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 11:40am

(((((((((((((((((((Debbie)))))))))))))))))))


I think it would be well worth a few phone calls to several lawyers just to see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
In reply to: flute54
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 1:35pm
Debbie, please do talk to some lawyers many will do the first consultation for free. I don't know what state you live in but many require the spouse that makes more to pay alimony and some will even make him pay for your medical coverage. If he has a pension with his company half of it may be yours if you live

Maureen/Mo

If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
In reply to: flute54
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:44am
Debbie: sending you many hugs. The others wrote about getting a divorce, since I don't have first hand knowledge of that, I can't add to them, but what I can say is, and I attempted suicide myself at age 13, yes that was quite a few years ago, but I got so low several times in 2002, it was getting close to that again, but in your case, your life is NOT worth giving up just because your husband is not the best influence in your life at the moment. I would really consider your options, see what is out there, consider making a change, you are worth the attempt to save yourself. Since you can't rely on him for emotional support, please reach out to someone you know, a friend, one of your kids, a family member, you are way too loving and worthwhile of a person to give up on life just because your husband is a jerk as you call him.

I wish I was in your town as I would hug you and hopefully help you through the rough spots, hugs, Josie.