Betrayed AGAIN! Time to end!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Betrayed AGAIN! Time to end!
4
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 11:30pm
Hello Everyone! My friend has betrayed me again! What can i say? I posted on "life and birthday","hope to end" and another posting....(i could not remember the title)

Please...everyone...please give me permission to die.

I need to be away...no one cares for me here...

I had hope to emigrate to the states...because most of you are there...but i guessed i cannot fulfill this wish of mine.

Please...I had planned my suicide ahead of time ,instead of 1st december,2004.

I need to go...at least i think so. I don't want to be hurt by friends again.

I am walking along this stretch of road...walking to the MRT(mass rapid transit,its the train system here), I am upset, i received this phone call(mobile phone),and i hope my close friend, which he does not treat me as one, did not call me. ANd i somehow knew he betrayed me on friday night.

I cannot go on. Please give me permission to die.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 4:02am
Katheryn: I so hope you didn't take your life, part of what I am working on at age 48, is the leftover guilt from attempting suicide at 13, and in 2002, it came very close again.

My therapist has pushed me into having more than just one support person, so when this friend of yours hurt your feelings, you would have had someone else to go too. I can cry and get so bashful when my therapist encourages me to branch out, but she is always right in the long run.

I so hope you didn't take your life, I wish I had more wisdom to give you, but I don't.

May God and His angels bring you some peace, some hope that tomorrow will be better.

hugs, Josie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 12:36pm
Katheryn,

I've been betrayed by so many friends over the years. Just a few months ago I had the woman I considered my closest friend throw me out of her life without any explanation except that she didn't know how to have "good boundaries" with me. This was a friend that I had been there for through some major personal crises, including major depression, her cheating on her live-in boyfriend in two separate affairs, her crying over how much she hated her life, listening to her frequent ravings about dealing with the dad who molested her, her new boyfriend that she had screaming, violent fights with at least once or twice a week, and her frequent weed use.

Then she just cuts me out without any discussion, just an email.

It hurt me so badly. I talked about it a lot on this board. It got me really down. I even felt suicidal a couple of times. I have a history of feeling suicidal when I'm depressed.

But out of that situation, I finally realized that I can't expect anything from friends. I give support, loyalty, and respect, but I rarely get it back. So I've decided that I will enjoy whatever moments I have with someone, but in no way think that it means they will be there for me when the going gets tough, or even when they say they will be.

True emotional connections with friends have always been important to me. But now I realize that getting attached and thinking that friendship means something has only gotten me deeply hurt. Sometimes it has taken me months to get over the pain of losing a friendship. So now I'm occasionally seeing the few acquaintances I have, but I'm not expecting to have a deep friendship.

I had a birthday yesterday. The only person in town I could really call a friend called me, but didn't offer to get together or anything. She only knew it was my birthday because I'd told her two days before.

I didn't get upset this year, or feel neglected, for once. I just took my birthday for what it was. I know that friends aren't gong to be what I've always expected them to be.

At first that was kind of empty feeling, but now I've accepted it. I'm not disappointed and feeling let down or betrayed all the time any more.

I understand that you feel alone and uncared for. I'm sorry that your friend let you down. I know that feeling too well.

The only thing I've found that works is to be my own best friend. Give myself the things I need, like a fun evening renting a movie or going out to a movie, a nice gift, or whatever.

It's working out really well and I can be more upbeat with others now that I don't feel that deep need for them to make me feel cared about.

I'm sending my prayers to you. Please hang in there. This too shall pass. Everything always does.

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 3:31pm
need to be away...no one cares for me here...

Katheryn,

There ARE people who care for you. Just because you cannot physically see them does not mean that they don't care for you! We all need you her - God put you on this planet for a purpose and just because that purpose is not clear for you right this moment does not mean that it does not exist!!!!

Please stay with us - with the world - with the board - we care about you. We are here for you - if you need someone to email privately to vent and cry to when feeling so down I will be here for you (scub0817@hotmail.com). I am online most of the time and am going through a great depression myself right now because I am only 41 but feel like my life has fallen apart. My oldest stepdaughter who I thought of a my closest friend completely betrayed me and walked away from me right at the time that I was diagnosed with a rare neurological illness which has not left me permanently disabiled and mostly bedridden. I can no longer work, drive, most of the time I can't get to the bathroom myself. I am telling you this now so that you realize that you are NOT alone - you are not the only one who is depressed. When my oldest daughter left there were days I gave my husband my heavier narcotics (I'm on 30+ pills a DAY) because I was worried about overdosing I was so depressed. Even now I go through thoughts everyday and if it wasn't for my 12 and 14 yr old daughters - I don't know that I could find a reason. But there is a reason. And we can be here for each other.

Please email me privately and let me know that you are okay. We can be each other's support group each day - even if it's just to check in and say "I'm still here". Believe me - I would love to know that someone cared whether I was still here or not. I feel like my entire life has been ripped away and the betrayal and abandonment by my oldest daughter is the most painful thing I never could have imagined it hurting this bad. Someome that I thought was that close to moving out, telling me she doesn't care if I'm sick, doesn't care if I die..... It's hard to want to go on living after that. So sometimes I just have to take it 5 minutes at a time.

I await your email! You are not alone! You are loved and wanted!

Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 5:53pm
I'm sure many have said this to you, but a friend isn't a friend if he/she betrays you. I have just one friend here and no boyfriends, so sometimes I'm very very lonely as well. A lot of people I know have moved away from California because it is so expensive and too crowded; I used to have lots more friends. But I find it helps by keeping busy with hobbies and volunteer work at the local Humane Society (animal shelter). You can meet some nice people when you volunteer.

Please don't give up; write to us here on the board every day and let us know how you are. I was feeling like you a week ago, but I'm doing better. I pray to God for help, and am not afraid to to tell Him that sometimes I don't want to be here but I'm leaving that in His hands. It may seem hopeless, but it will get better. Please write back and let us know how you are.

What country are you in? I'm in San Diego; love Great Britain.