I really need your advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
I really need your advice
6
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 10:51pm
Hi all. I really wish there was a depression support forum under the childs health topics, but since there isn't I was hoping that you all could help me out. My 12 year old daughter was diagnosed 3 years ago with depression and panic anxiety disorder. She would come home from school, curl up in a ball on the chair and just cry. Her doctor put her on paxil, but that made her very moody. He changed her medication to zoloft and it does seem to help. She still is not as happy as a child should be. She has a lot of sad times and most of the time, she doesn't even know why she feels sad. She has a few friends, but she doesn't really interact with them like girls her age usually do. She told me recently that she is not going to try to make any new friends at school this year because they never stick around anyway. They hurt her feelings and she would prefer to just not have any friends then have her feelings hurt. :-( This is very hard for a mom to hear. All I want is for my children to be happy!!

We have tried counseling a couple of times. The first time made her worse. She cried more then ever after her sessions with that counselor and the second time, I was just not happy with the direction the counselor was taking us in. She had a wonderful counselor at school when she was in elementary, but once she moved on to the middle school...she was not able to see him anymore. He had built a relationship with her and she trusted him. It was hard for her because she really enjoyed their talks!

Anyway, now that I have given you a little history. Here is the big problem....Recently she has cut her legs with scissors three times. The first time, I thought it was just an accident. She said that she was cutting the hair on her legs. The second time, I really didn't think a whole lot about it either. However, after the third time, I am very concerned. I told her if the hair bothers her, that she can shave her legs. She does not seem to want to do that. I know most girls her age do want to, but she is kind've immature for her age. The thought of growing up scares her I think. Anyway, she said that she is not sure why she does it. Any suggestions?? I am kind've hoping now that I have made an issue out of it with her, that she realizes this practice must stop. If it happens again, I will talk to her doctor and find out where to go from here. I was just hoping for some advice from people who may understand better then me how she is feeling. Please help me understand!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 11:19pm
(((Karissa)))

Firstly, welcome to the boards, I'm SO glad you've found this place, and I sincerely hope and pray you find the support you need to suport your daughter ((hugs))

I am SO sorry for all the your daughter has to deal with, as a Mom, your post made my heart cry. 12 was very difficult for me, body changes and then the dramas at school, it was all TOO much for me.

I think it's awesome that you've found help for your daughter in the way of medication and I'm glad that its helping somewhat. I do however feel that you need to find her a new Therapist ASAP. I'm really glad that her first experience with councelling was positive, that hopefully will keep her open minded with the next one. I'm really sorry that this last C you took her to didn't work out, I know how discouraging that must have been for you and your family, but please, don't give up. I know that there is a T out there perfect for your Daughter. Please find imediate help for her, from reading your post, I've no doubt she needs it.

The cutting of her legs really scared me, thats a massive RED flag for me. Your daughter is self mutilating herself and needs help ASAP!! She will continue to do this unless she receives the proper help. Her knowing that it is unacceptable will just force her to do it in hiding. Of course this practice must stop, you and I know that, but in her mind it won't stop because she's giving herself some kind of release.

There is a board here on ivillage health that deals with self injury I'll find it and post it. Please go there for resources. I'm SO glad your daughter has you, your obviously and VERY loving and supportive mother that is trying to help her daughter. I'm so glad that you came looking for that help.

Again please continue to seek out therapy for her.

Take care of yourself and know that we're all thinking about ((you))

((((HUGS))))

Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 11:20pm
Here is the link, again take care and please keep us posted!!

(((HUGS)))

Pam

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhselfinjury

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 11:45pm
Hi Karrissa, please do get help for your daughter ASAP. I have gone through this with my own daughter only I didn't find out it was going on until she was suicidal. Look for another therapist immediately and keep looking till she finds one she connects with. I hate to ask but is there any chance she was traumatized by someone when she was younger? The cutting is from my experience a way to equal out the internal pain by causing external pain. For some it helps them keep in touch with reality. It is definitely something to take seriously. In my experience she will not stop without theraputic intervention and as the other poster said she will only hide it from you. I am not trying to frighten you only let you know what I found out from personal experience. I got my daughter therapy and to be honest it didn't help at first but eventually it did. She is now almost 23 and getting ready to start RN school. Please post and let us know how she is and how you are. I lived through three very troubled teen agers thanks to my mental issues and an abusive violent ex. Talk to her, love her, reassure her and get her help no matter what it takes. Hugs Mo

Maureen/Mo

If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 12:00am
Hi Mo,

I have been doing some reading on self injuring and I know that many people who do this were molested as children. This is not the case with my daughter. She has never been abused in any way by anyone. My husband and I have always been very protective and our children have never been left with anyone except my parents. Thank you for your input and I will definately keep looking for someone that we feel comfortable with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 12:04am
Thank you for your kind words. How were things for you in Middle School? Did you join a lot of clubs or teams? Were you immature for your age? Did you act 12 or did you try to act younger? I am just trying to understand her behavior. Please only answer the questions that you are comfortable with. Thank you for your help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:33am

Hi there!


They say the middle school years are the hardest age on children and since my own son is now in 8th grade I can believe it.

*hugs