Finding it very hard to go on

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Finding it very hard to go on
2
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 7:59pm
I have had depression on and off for the past 8 years. I am 31 now. This past year has dealt me some devastating blows....I'll leave it at that. I do feel completely out of control and the fact that my company of 5 years is most likely going to lay me off tomorrow, makes me feel even worse. I have been fighting my worst bout with depression ever this past year due to life events that happened and dr. put me on Wellbutrin. I had also tried Prozac and Effexor and had awful reactions to both. Wellbutrin gave me more energy but I feel a year later it has stopped working. I've also turned to bingeing on food and have developed bulimia....Something I have never had or thought I ever would. Wellbutrin and eating disorders do not mix so I had to stop the rx last week. I am just as down as I was before, while I was on the drug.

I am at a real loss. Have read every self-help book out there...I've become a lot more spiritual but lately can no longer pray or go to church. I know loneliness is a big part of the problem, since my ex bf left me for someone else last year, but I don't know how to get myself better. I have spurts where I am OK but the past 2 months I don't have one day where I feel even somewhat happy. I feel I am losing the will to live. My dr. had diagnosed me with PTSD for a crime I experienced, and I thought I was doing so much better with all of that but now am so depressed I can't even get out of bed in the morning. I feel I have NO control over my emotions or life....If they lay me off tomorrow, I am afraid this is going to make me even worse.

I am trying to find a new therapist to talk to that might be able to help me in a different way, but things seem to help at first but not long-term at all.

I'm sorry to be rambling, I just feel so sad and alone and I look at all the awful things in life and the 5 bad events I've had to endure the past couple of years and it makes me think...what is the point of living life and that really scares me. I feel completely hopeless to ever experinence joy or happiness.....Thanks for reading my rambling and for helping me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 8:10pm

Hi and Welcome!


I was so glad when I got your last paragraph and read that you were thinking of looking for a different kind of therapist!

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 5:15am
Welcome and glad you found us.

My therapist uses EMDR (eye movement desensitizaton reprocessing) to help with post traumatic stress, so that might help if the other type doesn't.

I watched my husband lose his job of 31 years back in 1998, and it wasn't easy, so my heart goes out to you on that one. Depending on your field and where you live, finding another job can be very difficult despite what the current president says about how our economy is getting better.

I hope you can find a good therapist. And Caly was so right, going out to even the grocery store can help. I have to force myself to go out sometimes, but then I usually feel better afterwards.

I use to have a really big problem with binge eating, I never purged so my weight went up to 210# at one point, now I weigh less than that, but I still have to watch as it can be so easy to let extra food be my "friend" or help numb or comfort my feelings away.

take care, and hope to see more of you here, hugs, Josie.