depressed..need replies please

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
depressed..need replies please
3
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 9:52pm
I am depressed...i would appreciate your opinion...this is my dilemma...I graduated from college with a degree in business 5 years ago. After graduating, I did some career exploring because I still wasn't totally sure of what kind of career I wanted...I worked in entry level jobs in tourism and retail and I just wasn't happy. My family wanted me to move back home to help with the family business, which is managing our family real estate. It didnt sound too exciting but I just went for it because I missed my family and wanted to help my mom out who had been stressed out trying to run the family business.

So I've been living at home and working for my family for 3 years now...I am bored with my job and want to do something else but I feel like I am obligated to help my family out. I am almost 30 years old and I feel like I don't have a real job (I work at home on the computer and just run a few errands)and I feel pathetic still living at home. My family really wants me to stick with the family business though. They think it's more practical to live at home because there is a lot of room. I'd be wasting my money on rent.

I think if I looked for a job elsewhere, I would just get paid less and it wouldn't be much because I don't have much work experience. I think I would like to work in the environmental field because that is my passion but I don't know where to start or what I could even do. I feel so down that I have become anti-social...i am too embarrassed about my situation. What would you do in my situation? Please help me ....any advice would do..I would just like some replies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:17pm

My thought is this (and forgive me if I'm a bit blunt):

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:45pm
Hi -

I just posted a long winded saga about how rotten I feel. But then I read your post and it reminded me that one of the best therapies is to be there for someone else - it gets you out of your own head. SO here I am.

When I read your post, a couple of phrases leapt out at me (probably because I could relate to them!). One was "I feel obligated to help my family out" and the other was "my family wants me to stick with the family busines....they think it's more practical for me to live at home......." I think it's more practical for them than for you, because you are fulfilling some need of theirs. Rings a bell with me and my family dynamics with my mother. She always starts out sounding like her idea is in my best interest, but it always ends up being about her, not me. And the good daughter that I am, I buy right into it because of those feelings of obligation (that is, I USED to buy into it - I am getting better at seeing her motives and trying to make better choices with the help of my therapist, but I'm also 42 and have been in therapy for 8 years so I've had a lot of practice). All I know is that when I tried to do what my family wanted and tried to live up to their expectations I was invariably unhappy. And when I finally cut the umbilical cord (at about your age - it's tough, I know), and started following my dreams and doing what I wanted to do, my life took a turn for the better. It wasn't always easy, I had to go through some not so great jobs and career choices before I finally landed in the job of my dreams, but I never would have gotten here if I had done what my mother thought I should do.

I don't know if that helps any...just my two cents

Hang in there - it gets better as you get older. Despite my bouts of depression, my 30's were better than my 20's, and my 40's are turning out to be even better as I get to know myself more!

Sue

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 5:23pm
I think you should first be thankful that you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach. Imagine being 49 years old and not knowing what you really want to do with your life AND being homeless! I also have 2 children to take care of. So first, count your blessings. Then, go get some vocational counseling in your spare time (which you say you have a lot of) and find out what your real passion in life is. If you find that the Environmental Field is for you then work part-time, say, on the weekends first and then branch out into full-time work after you have helped your family find a suitable replacement for you. Don't discount group therapy for your depression and help someone else to help themselves.