tired of feeling this way too (trigers)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
tired of feeling this way too (trigers)
2
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:05pm
OK, I just tried to type a message and all of the sudden my browser closed. Did not help my frame of mind. But I'm starting over.

I was just reading the recent posts and I can definitely relate. I have been battling depression on and off for several years and I wonder if I will ever feel good for more than a few months at a time. I suppose I should be grateful for those times when I am not depressed, but it's easy to forget them when I'm in the midst of a major depression, like I am now. Actually, I was just diagnosed with Bipolar Type II because I've been cycling up into brief periods of hypomania (and unfortunately they aren't euphoric but dysphoric and i get really agitated and irritable), but it's the depression that has been really kicking my butt.

I have a really good psychiatrist who is also my therapist, have read the self-help books, tried to take suggestions for doing things that might improve my mood, but some days (like today) I just can't get it together and I feel so hopeless. I belong to a 12 step group because i'm doubly blessed with another illness, and have been frustrated because I'm not getting any support there. So my shrink suggested a depression support group, but of course I haven't gotten there yet.I know that is really what I need because as I read the posts from today, I could really relate, and as important as my 12 step group is, I haven't been relating there. I wish I could find the courage to do something good for myself like trying the support group meeting. This disease sucks because it tells me that it's not worth it, I might as well give up.

Sorry for the long post, but I guess I finally feel like I've found a place to start.

Sue

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 5:05am
Welcome Sue: I am glad you found us.

I am 48 and it wasn't until 2 years ago I found out I have long standing depression, (at least from age 13- possibly earlier) and anxiety disorder also. I get my med from the family dr, but I have a therapist who has helped me so much in these past 2 years, but I have worked so hard, and at times I come home and cry and it is hard for me to reach out to people, but when I do, and it works out, I feel so good afterwards, and now when people say no to lunch out, I don't take it as bad as I once did.

I go to Alanon myself as my father was an alcoholic, and if I hadn't quit drinking in my 20s, I would probably be going to AA for my own problems, but luckily I was able to quit drinking and don't miss it one bit. Now food, is my drug of choice, and I have to watch I don't "medicate or numb" out with a food binge vs. feeling my feelings.

I know what you mean as you have some good times, then the bad times when depression is more evident. I have a stressful job and that doesn't help, yet other times I feel useful and needed there, so that can be a good thing. And my dh and I are battling some physical lung problems so that has added stress to our lives as our checking account sinks down paying for the medical bills.

I love my alanon group, have you tried finding another 12 step group as they all can be different? There is a second one I go to sometimes, I don't feel the closeness with them like I do at the group I started out with a year ago.

I hope you have a good day today, take care and everyone here is so helpful and always ready to "listen" at any time. Hugs, Josie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 4:04pm
Hi Sue - well first I think you're incredibly brave to perservere in the way that you are. I'm 37 and am in my second battle with depression and like you said it is a real butt kicker. Even if we don't believe it, all the experts say that there is hope, so if you can just try to hang on even if you're white knuckling it.

I don't really have any concrete advice, just wanted to let you know I read your post and will be saying a prayer for you here in Southern California. Love, Hugs, SUPPORT - Jenny