tired of feeling this way too (trigers)
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| Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:05pm |
I was just reading the recent posts and I can definitely relate. I have been battling depression on and off for several years and I wonder if I will ever feel good for more than a few months at a time. I suppose I should be grateful for those times when I am not depressed, but it's easy to forget them when I'm in the midst of a major depression, like I am now. Actually, I was just diagnosed with Bipolar Type II because I've been cycling up into brief periods of hypomania (and unfortunately they aren't euphoric but dysphoric and i get really agitated and irritable), but it's the depression that has been really kicking my butt.
I have a really good psychiatrist who is also my therapist, have read the self-help books, tried to take suggestions for doing things that might improve my mood, but some days (like today) I just can't get it together and I feel so hopeless. I belong to a 12 step group because i'm doubly blessed with another illness, and have been frustrated because I'm not getting any support there. So my shrink suggested a depression support group, but of course I haven't gotten there yet.I know that is really what I need because as I read the posts from today, I could really relate, and as important as my 12 step group is, I haven't been relating there. I wish I could find the courage to do something good for myself like trying the support group meeting. This disease sucks because it tells me that it's not worth it, I might as well give up.
Sorry for the long post, but I guess I finally feel like I've found a place to start.
Sue

I am 48 and it wasn't until 2 years ago I found out I have long standing depression, (at least from age 13- possibly earlier) and anxiety disorder also. I get my med from the family dr, but I have a therapist who has helped me so much in these past 2 years, but I have worked so hard, and at times I come home and cry and it is hard for me to reach out to people, but when I do, and it works out, I feel so good afterwards, and now when people say no to lunch out, I don't take it as bad as I once did.
I go to Alanon myself as my father was an alcoholic, and if I hadn't quit drinking in my 20s, I would probably be going to AA for my own problems, but luckily I was able to quit drinking and don't miss it one bit. Now food, is my drug of choice, and I have to watch I don't "medicate or numb" out with a food binge vs. feeling my feelings.
I know what you mean as you have some good times, then the bad times when depression is more evident. I have a stressful job and that doesn't help, yet other times I feel useful and needed there, so that can be a good thing. And my dh and I are battling some physical lung problems so that has added stress to our lives as our checking account sinks down paying for the medical bills.
I love my alanon group, have you tried finding another 12 step group as they all can be different? There is a second one I go to sometimes, I don't feel the closeness with them like I do at the group I started out with a year ago.
I hope you have a good day today, take care and everyone here is so helpful and always ready to "listen" at any time. Hugs, Josie.
I don't really have any concrete advice, just wanted to let you know I read your post and will be saying a prayer for you here in Southern California. Love, Hugs, SUPPORT - Jenny