Newbie w/ problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Newbie w/ problem
4
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 9:31am
Hello all,

My name is Kate and I'm 31 years old. I've been battling depression on & off for over 10 years and have been stuck in a real low for a few months. A couple of weeks ago I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore and I called my doctor to put me back on Wellbutrin. When my husband got home from work that night, I told him what I had done & he said (at the time) that he supported my decision. As it turns out, he lied.

Last night when I was talking to him about the fact that today my dosage was going to increase, he flipped out on me. He told me that he was angry with me for making the decision to go on medication without talking to him first. He told me that I had no right to make such a "huge" move without getting his opinion in advance. He called me selfish over & over again. I was stunned.

He's trying to tell me that this is going to affect the rest of our lives even though I told him I was only planning on taking the meds for a couple months until I get a handle on things. He said it's going to change everything when all it really changes is that I can't drink at the bar with him at Happy Hour and oh yeah that small fact that maybe I'll finally start to FEEL better for the first time in nearly a year. He said he didn't think that I was really feeling that bad because if I was, he would have noticed. I told him I wasn't going to try to PROVE how I've been feeling and in the back of my mind I was thinking "You never notice anything else about me - why would you notice this?"

I guess what I'm wondering is if anyone else has had such a bad reaction from loved ones in regard to deciding to go on medication. I admit that maybe I should have talked to him about what I was thinking before I went ahead with it but since in the past he has taken my every mood personally & tells me I make him feel like sh*t, I decided I didn't need the hassle of a fight. So I could have handled it better but I think he could be showing A LOT more compassion for what I'm dealing with & what a tough decision it was for me to make. (This is my first time on meds in 6 years)

Anyway, sorry if I'm rambling - I'm just trying to figure out if this is a normal reaction or not.

Thanks,

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 9:46am

Hi Kate


I'm 36 and have been on/off meds since I was a teen.

Christine

CL

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 11:57am
Kate personally I don't consider your dh's reaction normal but possibly it is understandable. If he is afraid for you it might make him over react. I discuss almost everything with my dh but he is very supportive and also suffers from depression. I had to kind of push for him to go on meds as he self medicated with beer before we got married. I don't feel I need to ask my dh or even discuss ahead of time any medical decisions I make. I know what I need to do to make me feel better and he loves me so it follows he wants whats best for me. I hope your dh can come to understand that no one wants to be on meds or be depressed it's just part of some of our lives that we have to handle the best ways we can. Good Luck Hugs Mo

Maureen/Mo

If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 4:35pm
I am having major problems trying to post this, either my computer needs a tune up or ivillage is doing maintenance work, so I will try again!

HI Kate: I was never on meds before I went on this Effexor in January 2003. First I went into therapy August 2002, had a really hard time over Christmas including a MIL in the nursing home, cried so much, felt horrible, so when my therapist finally suggested I go to the family Dr and get something, I told her I would, I made the appointment for the next day, then talked it over with dh who was supportive at that time. Previously he had always said for me to take a medical leave, and only go on meds as the very LAST resort, but I choose to try the med first, and it has worked. I was so ashamed and cried so much at the dr's office, still thinking I should be strong enough to get better on my own.

I haven't shared with everyone I am on something as there is a stigma at my work and people gossip on some people being on a med. I told my 2 sisters evantually, and don't know if one of them told my Mom, but I haven't directly.

I say it is your body, your life, your choice and he should be willing to support you in it. As fantastic as my dh is, at times he doesn't get what I went through as a child, or why in therapy we dig up what happened way back when, but when I start to cry and share my innermost feelings, he stops and does his best to understand.

I hope for your sake you do what is best for you, and if your boyfriend can't accept this, then I wonder down the pike what else he might not support you in.

I hope you start feeling better, hugs, Josie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 7:40pm

Hi

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid