postpartum...need help
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postpartum...need help
| Fri, 10-08-2004 - 12:28pm |
Need some advise and help, my son and his girlfriend had a baby 8 weeks ago, the baby is colicky and fussy. My son is at his wits end...his girlfriend suddenly is accusing him of cheating and having mood swings and crying alot. He has suggested couples counseling etc but she just stares at tv. He says things are fine when he is home on weekends but when he goes to work, she gets really angry he is seeing his "whore". He swears to God that he is not cheating and tries to be patient but his patience are stretching thin. He helps with baby as much as he can. He suggests getting her parents to help..she says she must do this on her own. Her parents do not care for him based on race. We are 500 miles away and I feel so helpless to help. Could this be signs of postpartum depression. She called him at work yesterday and said baby cried all day and she cried also. The tension could be adding to baby's fussiness?
Please help.
Dianne

God could not be everywhere, so
Dcddll and Donna,
Never experience being a mom yet in my life, I'm 22, will be 23 in December.
I went through some mild PPD when my DD was born, but after my DS was born, I really lost it. It started a few weeks after he was born, and went on until he was 5 months old when I went on medication. At that point, I thought almost constantly of killing myself and him, wasn't caring for him (just couldn't get out of bed) and felt emotionally dead. I hadn't smiled or laughed in months. He was also a colicky baby and it was a nightmare. When he was awake, he was crying for the first two months. My mother and MIL couldn't stand to take care of him b/c he cried so much. The only thing that worked was to put him in a sling and carry him around next to me (check out the heart-to-heart sling or the over the shoulder baby holder).
My dd was a very fussy baby and, as she was my first, I thought it was all my fault. When she was about a year old, I got a great book, when I wish I had had earlier: The Fussy Baby by Dr. William Sears. It was her to a T and I had been doing all the things he suggested: "wearing" her, breastfeeding, sleeping with her. If your DIL is breastfeeding, that can help a lot b/c it will give her the "happy" hormones she may be lacking.
I agree with the others that she needs help. Can you visit for a few weeks to help out? Can you contact her mother to tell her what's going on (maybe she's not aware)? I think she needs to get out of the house without the baby, even if it's just for an hour between feedings. She may also benefit from medication; I am on Celexa which is safe even for breastfeeding mothers. I know that I felt very resentful towards my dh when he left for a "relaxing" day at the office, while I was stuck at home with a screaming baby. Please let your DIL know that motherhood isn't always wonderful; it's often really, really tough and it's OKAY to be unhappy. She doesn't have to be the picture of contentment and if she's not, it doesn't mean she's a bad mother.
There's also a PPD board here, but I don't have the link.
Best wishes to you; your son and his wife are lucky to have you in their lives.
Nicola
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-pspost
I realized that I had PPD about 6 weeks after having my daughter. I was irritable, crying and the day I wanted to drive my car into a pole I realized that I needed help.
Does she have a good support system? Are there people/family who can give her a break and take the baby for a while so she can take a nap or a walk or just read a book? She sounds like she's overwhelmed. Is there someone who can talk to her and let her know that she doesn't have to do it all by herself? Poor girl, I totally feel for her.
As for his parents and their race issue- that has absolutley nothing to do with their dd or grandchild and they need to get over it and grow up.
I also believe that her behavior can affect the baby's behavior. They are smart little things who can surely pick up on anxiety and unhappiness.
Please advise her to talk to someone she trusts. She has nothing to be ashamed of and sometimes we all need a little help.
Dianne