where next?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
where next?
3
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 4:44am
Last year i had a bad time, with both my grandparents passing on, i failed some of my uni exams and my relationship (2 1/2 years) finished under the pressure of it all (and the fact that he heated the way i was with him in bed cause i never fully relaxed due to old issues with trusting people and moveover men in intimate ways). I was in hopital for a few days after i could not breath and was ill for about 4 weeks unable to do what i was normaly used to doing and missed all the social contact.

I started to make myslef sick to cope with the stress and give myslef a reason not to go to lectures or to work. I then fell in to some bad habits with men because i felt like i was not worth anything and they made me fell wanted if only for a short amount of time.

I was lucky and one of my close friends who felt alot about me got very close to me and told me it had to stop. he could not handle me getting close to other men as well as him. Me and him have been sleeping together for about 6 mths now but all it is doing is making me worry when i am not with him. Things started with use within a week of my realtionship breaking up. While i am with him i feel wonderful, he cares a great deal about me and will talk to me about anything. He knows me better than anyone else ever has and i think i am starting to fall for him even though i know this is not what he wants, what is more i trust him. The problem is when he is not around i sink back to how i felt before it started. I feel like i am not worth anything. The hurting is getting worse and it is now at the piont where thinking about what i did last night i scrace myslef. I could not be in my room cause there was too much to hurt myslef with so i locked myslef in the bath room and blacked out on the floor because i was so stressed. i tried to cut myslef but stopped because i could not deal with how that would make him feel when he saw (he has seen in the past). i could not stop crying and although today i am a little better and have made it in to uni (mainly since i know he will be in soon and then he can hold me and make some of this seem less painful).

I need to know how to put myslef right instead of him having to do it all the time. He has not had the most wondeful time the past few mths and i know i am not helping so for him i want to find a way of dealing with all the pain and mess, but that is where i am suck at the moment, the only one i can see is killing myslef and then he would be free to get on with dealing with his problems.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 5:37pm
Hi Tina. Please keep holding on. You have gone through some tough times & it will get better, just please keep trying. Just take it one day at a time for now and take it slow. May I suggest medication &/or therapy? This may not be exactly what you need, and Im sure its not all that you need, but its a start. Its good that you have a person who cares so much. Its great that you recognize that it is probably hard for him to see you hurting so much. One thing is that we can become dependent on someone else for things, including emotional needs. Eventually we have to re-teach ourselves to give that to ourselves. Think about anything that makes you smile or feel happy. If those are things u can do, do them (singing, reading, etc). If you cant think of anything that makes u happy right now, then do things that dont make u as sad as other things. I dont know if Im making sense, but I think the key is to take it one day at a time. Have a goal in your mind to become emotionally independent again so that you can enjoy your relationships & yourself. Please let us know how you are doing. Take care HUGS
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to:
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 8:36pm

Hi Tina,


Sounds like the best thing for you do right now sweetie is get some professional help.

*hugs             

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 10:25am
I have signed up to see a councilor but casue of the waiting list this is going to be a couple of weeks. At least it seems to break up what i have to deal with. It puts a piont on it a which i know i am going to get some way of making things better. The major issue is if i can hold on till then cause we had a fight this morning, it has never been like this before. It means that i am going to have to go home tonight which will be the first time since monday. I fell like i need a sence of closure to be able to get back to who i used to be.