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| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 4:44am |
I started to make myslef sick to cope with the stress and give myslef a reason not to go to lectures or to work. I then fell in to some bad habits with men because i felt like i was not worth anything and they made me fell wanted if only for a short amount of time.
I was lucky and one of my close friends who felt alot about me got very close to me and told me it had to stop. he could not handle me getting close to other men as well as him. Me and him have been sleeping together for about 6 mths now but all it is doing is making me worry when i am not with him. Things started with use within a week of my realtionship breaking up. While i am with him i feel wonderful, he cares a great deal about me and will talk to me about anything. He knows me better than anyone else ever has and i think i am starting to fall for him even though i know this is not what he wants, what is more i trust him. The problem is when he is not around i sink back to how i felt before it started. I feel like i am not worth anything. The hurting is getting worse and it is now at the piont where thinking about what i did last night i scrace myslef. I could not be in my room cause there was too much to hurt myslef with so i locked myslef in the bath room and blacked out on the floor because i was so stressed. i tried to cut myslef but stopped because i could not deal with how that would make him feel when he saw (he has seen in the past). i could not stop crying and although today i am a little better and have made it in to uni (mainly since i know he will be in soon and then he can hold me and make some of this seem less painful).
I need to know how to put myslef right instead of him having to do it all the time. He has not had the most wondeful time the past few mths and i know i am not helping so for him i want to find a way of dealing with all the pain and mess, but that is where i am suck at the moment, the only one i can see is killing myslef and then he would be free to get on with dealing with his problems.

Hi Tina,
Sounds like the best thing for you do right now sweetie is get some professional help.
*hugs