remember how everything was ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
remember how everything was ok?
3
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 2:54pm
things can fall apart pretty quickly i guess. i should have seen it all coming probably. i am back in my little depression hole right now. i went to the hospital yesterday and i think it was because of stress. i will go back and tell what's going on from the beginning. zach and i have been trying to work things out after he came begging and telling me how much i mean to him and how much he wants to do what he can to make things work. it has been more of a friendship trying to rebuild into more because i wanted to give it distance and let it really happen and not just jump back into it after being hurt. well, he is still having a lot of trouble and i know he was trying to do what i asked and tell me his true feelings as they appeared and not just as a surprise all at once- well, he was talking about how scared he is to be with me (but also scared not to) and i know he was looking to me for help and support- but i am completely hormonal and have too much going on myself to be stupidly unconditionally loving all of the time. i need him to show me that he is there, not that he might not be. i know he is fighting this, i just feel like he is so selfish with his own problems and not thinking enough of me. in the middle of this, i started getting really dizzy and then everything started spinning and going black and my head felt like it was going to drop and i was breathing funny. i sat down on the ground and told him what was going on- he was very considerate and concerned, but i could tell he was scared too. i started feeling better- he got me some water and we kept talking.

the next day (yesterday) the same thing started happening at work but worse and it wouldn;t stop. my shift was almost over and people were going to cover for me so i could go home. i was scared and i wanted to go to the doctor. well, the doctor told me to go to the er and at this point i could barely walk so i got my friend to take me. he was so supportive and caring. he is the one who is kind of famous, and he had a thing with some really big politicians that he was hosting last nigth and he was willing to stay there with me and be supportive. i called zach and he was with a client and didn't get the message for an hour at which point i was already home- i checked myself out because i was feeling better, the er was full and hte wait was long and i wanted to go home to bed. zach thought that i was being a hypochondriac because i had just told him that i was one and he shouldn't worry about me so much so he figured i was ok and proceeded to go on with his plans to meet a friend for dinner. i thought that showed such true colors from both guys- zach who i wanted to come over didn't even come over until 10:30 last night and then left 30 minutes later to go home and go to bed. i was really hurt, and still am. i am also having issues with where i will be living in a few weeks and my fathers' discresions were in the paper this weekend. i am also still having issues with job/money. the stress has just added up. i took the day off today, but i am just hurting. thanks for listening. i know it was long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 12:24am
Hey VG,

I know you are very sensitive and scared right now, after the rift with Zach and your current medical problems.

You know that I'm the first one to tell you to be cautious and not jump back in. But I think that you have to remember that you did tell Zach that you are a hypochondriac. You are not a hypochondriac and you know that. You undermined yourself, Sweetie. Do you think that he is supposed to read your mind and do the opposite of what you told him to do?

I know that you want him to be able to read you mind. All of us want that. But he's still in his bad funk. He's trying to keep himself together. Just as you are having a hard time being there for him, he doesn't have much to give. But I would bet money that if you said that you were really sick and really needed him to stay, he would have.

It's not fair to judge him for doing something you didn't ask him to do. If you guys are going to make a go of it, the best way to move forward is to give him the same kind of clear communication that you want from him.

I'm sorry for your scary medical situation. Have you been eating very much lately? Do you have a fever? It could be low blood sugar. It could also be an anxiety attack, since you have so much stress right now.

Please feel free to call me any time. I hope you are feeling better.

All My Best,

MariaC

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:25am
sounds like a panic attack to me. talk to your doctor about alternative therapies and practice yoga or just some relaxing breathing exercises. They are very scary but easy to control once yuo learn xx
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:24pm
Hi VogueGirl. Well the thing with Zach is obviously a sticky situation. My reaction to what u said about him going out with his friend & then going to bed was that it would be hurtful to me too. I dont think it was a very sensitive thing to do at all. But from my experience with guys, they seem to take what we say at face value & then dont analyze things at all. So when u told him u are a hypochondriac & then had the fainting spell(or panic attack) then he probably just figured it was part of the problem of being a hypochindriac (whether u are or not). So even though it would be hurtful to me too, I think he probably didnt mean it in a non-caring way even though it came off that way. Sometimes I wish guys would think about what they do a little more! (Sorry no offense to guys). His reaction could have also been a way to deal with it, because some ppl react by avoiding a problem b/c they dont feel strong enough to face it. It seems like he cares about you a lot but is in his own little world too. Im glad u are taking it slow with him, something wonderful could come out of this. If nothing comes out of it, at least u have the memories, life lessons & experience.

It sounds like u might be having panic attacks. I had similar problems a long time ago & my doctor said it was because of depression. Please make sure u drink lots of water & get good sleep. Also find a hobby that can take your mind off of things even if for a little while. I wish you the best for finding a place to stay. HUGS and Im thinking of you :)