remember how everything was ok?
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| Thu, 10-14-2004 - 2:54pm |
the next day (yesterday) the same thing started happening at work but worse and it wouldn;t stop. my shift was almost over and people were going to cover for me so i could go home. i was scared and i wanted to go to the doctor. well, the doctor told me to go to the er and at this point i could barely walk so i got my friend to take me. he was so supportive and caring. he is the one who is kind of famous, and he had a thing with some really big politicians that he was hosting last nigth and he was willing to stay there with me and be supportive. i called zach and he was with a client and didn't get the message for an hour at which point i was already home- i checked myself out because i was feeling better, the er was full and hte wait was long and i wanted to go home to bed. zach thought that i was being a hypochondriac because i had just told him that i was one and he shouldn't worry about me so much so he figured i was ok and proceeded to go on with his plans to meet a friend for dinner. i thought that showed such true colors from both guys- zach who i wanted to come over didn't even come over until 10:30 last night and then left 30 minutes later to go home and go to bed. i was really hurt, and still am. i am also having issues with where i will be living in a few weeks and my fathers' discresions were in the paper this weekend. i am also still having issues with job/money. the stress has just added up. i took the day off today, but i am just hurting. thanks for listening. i know it was long.

I know you are very sensitive and scared right now, after the rift with Zach and your current medical problems.
You know that I'm the first one to tell you to be cautious and not jump back in. But I think that you have to remember that you did tell Zach that you are a hypochondriac. You are not a hypochondriac and you know that. You undermined yourself, Sweetie. Do you think that he is supposed to read your mind and do the opposite of what you told him to do?
I know that you want him to be able to read you mind. All of us want that. But he's still in his bad funk. He's trying to keep himself together. Just as you are having a hard time being there for him, he doesn't have much to give. But I would bet money that if you said that you were really sick and really needed him to stay, he would have.
It's not fair to judge him for doing something you didn't ask him to do. If you guys are going to make a go of it, the best way to move forward is to give him the same kind of clear communication that you want from him.
I'm sorry for your scary medical situation. Have you been eating very much lately? Do you have a fever? It could be low blood sugar. It could also be an anxiety attack, since you have so much stress right now.
Please feel free to call me any time. I hope you are feeling better.
All My Best,
MariaC
It sounds like u might be having panic attacks. I had similar problems a long time ago & my doctor said it was because of depression. Please make sure u drink lots of water & get good sleep. Also find a hobby that can take your mind off of things even if for a little while. I wish you the best for finding a place to stay. HUGS and Im thinking of you :)