New to site and hoping for help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
New to site and hoping for help
5
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 2:41pm
I am new to this site and being a male I am reluctant to put anything here. But there seems to be no outlet for men that are going through this. SO a friend told me to sign up here and get the womans point of view. I am going through a real tough time right now. I just got laid off from my job, my wife and I just had our third child and I am tired of the domestic abuse that is occuring. I know you are saying "huh?" But it is true. No my wife does not hit me or anything like that. It is more of an emotional abuse. She controls every bit of my actions, who I can see and not see, where I can go and when, never allows me to have money to do anything for myself, says terrible and degrating thisngs to me and my kids that make us feel worthless and helpless. I am already seeing a counselor for depression and I have attempted suicide in the past. I am afraid to leave her because I love my three children but I need to get myself out of this bad situation before it is too late and I finally succeed at killing myself. Any ladies who have gone through this, please let me know how you got through it. Or anyone that has any good advise, please let me know what you think I can do. PLEASE HURRY!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 4:50pm
Hi Wolfey and welcome. I lived with an abusive husband for fifteen years and finally got myself and my kids out. He didn't hit me after I told him if he did not to go to sleep but he was verbally very abusive and controlling to me and my kids. He worked and made good money and I had no job skills and he had me convinced if I left him he would get the kids. I finally got a job as a school custodian and was able to leave. I am glad your in counseling. Are your kids? It would be helpful if they are since then their therapist could back up your claim that your wife is abusive if you want to go for custoday. Do you have any family you and your kids could stay with? I do understand how overwhelming this

Maureen/Mo

If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 7:59pm

Hi Wolfey and Welcome!


Im so glad you had the courage to post!

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 10:31am
Mo,

Thank you for your support. I truly understand all that you are asking. I find that I really do need to start to repair my life and get it back to where I feel that I can be happy too. The biggest problem that I have right now is other than my counselor, I have no one to talk to. In the whole process of my life, I have let my wife convince me that my entire network of friends and FAMILY are no good for me. And we moved many miles away from everything and everyone that I ever knew. I am now in a new state with no friends, or family that I can rely on. Through the years I had been so brainwashed by my wife that I neglected my family and friends and got so angry at them over things that my wife convinced me they were doing that a lot of the relationships are truly unrepairable I believe. I thought of all of this when in your profile it asks the question, "If you were stuck on a deserted island..." That is the way I feel. Alone and now have no one to turn to. My biggest fear is that no one will believe me that all this occured anyway. I am a man and men are supposed to be the bad guys... :( Which trust me, I KNOW THEY ARE. But I find myself in a situation that I feel there is no escape from. I understand that my children need me in their lives. But some times that just does not seem like the case. I am so depressed at times that I neglect my children and I cannot even get out of bed. It is those times that I feel like I wish I had never been born and that everyone would be better off without me. I am currently on the highest doses of some pretty strong medicines to try to help out with my depression, but I am sure you know how that goes sometimes. Anyways, thank you a million for your reply. I find that talking to others does help me. I understand that the level of depression of people sometimes keeps them from reading or replying. I appreciate you having the courage to reply back to me. I hope to keep in touch here as often as I can. I feel like this may be a therapeutic place for me. Thanks a million.

Kevin
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 10:34am
Thank you for making me feel welcome here. I find that talking with people, especially women who are more understanding of these feelings helps me out tremendously. I will check out the other website that you informed me of. I am going to work on getting through all of this the best that I can and I hope to stay in touch alongthe way. Again, thank you for your support.

Kevin
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 1:01pm
Kevin, I really get the brainwashed part of the abuse and isolating you from friends and family is a classic abusive maneuver. The more isolated you are the more helpless and hopeless you feel. I am glad your on meds and have a therapist. As to no one believing you I get that too. Is it possible to make some sort of initial contact with some old friends and family members to test the waters? Perhaps it's not too late to mend fences. The most important thing of course is to get feeling well enough so you can take care of yourself and your kids. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder so I know what depression can do to you. I am proof though that it can get better and there are ways out. What type of work did you do before you got laid off? If you need to you can email me through my profile. I am currently not working so I check my email fairly often unless we go to the big city :) Talking to people is a big help to me so I can understand that it can help you. Hang in there. I used to tell myself giving up is not an option. Hugs Mo

Maureen/Mo

If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.