Not that I Matter... I Don't ..(Trigger)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Not that I Matter... I Don't ..(Trigger)
5
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 1:29pm
That no matter how hard I try I can do nothing right in my life. I always seem to fail or am set up for failure by someone or something. I just can't win. I am a doormate for everyone to walk all over. I know I let people use me but there is nothing I can do to stop it. Maybe it is because I need to feel like I a needed and wanted, I don't know.

I just feel so alone and detached and I feel so sad.

Thank-you for listening to me being pathic.

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 4:14pm
((((Callie)))) You soooo matter. You are a lovely part of the board. I meant to get a chance to post to your other post, but I have not been doing too well. I know that you can get through this. We are here for you.

We won't ever use you. Sometimes when you are sweet and sensitive, like you are, people take advantage. I know that I have that happen to me.

Keep posting to us. We are here to listen.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:47pm

(((((Callie))))


You DO matter!


I, too, was (and still am to a certain degree) the doormat, people pleaser, etc, etc. And I used up all my energy trying to make other people happy, so they would love me and wouldn't abandon me. And no matter how hard I tried, i could never live up to other people's expectations all of the time, and I certainly couldn't live up to my own expectations, which were totally unrealistic. I was such a workaholic, and would come home from a 12 hour day at work and get upset because I wasn't "productive" that evening with whatever I thought I should be doing. My psychiatrist finally told me that many, many people come home from work and actually rest and chill out, eat their dinner at the table instead of at the computer desk, etc. I had such a distorted view of life.


I'm a little better now (hey, it's progress, not perfection) thanks to Al-Anon. I felt like I had come home when I went to my first meeting and listened to what others had to share. Is there any alcoholism or addiciton in your family? ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) is also good, or if those aren't appropriate, Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) is also good.


Just a suggestion. It sounds like you need support right now, and you've got it here, but one of these groups could be very helpful if you haven't tried them out yet.


Now that I read this post I'm extra glad I chose you to give a hug to!

peace and love,


just_a_big_kid


Sue

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

Avatar for ddnlj
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 12:43pm
Callie, sweetie, I feel the exact same way. I feel like nothing I do turns out right. Last night I had such a breakdown. I was talking to SO (I'm not sure if he's still a SO or an ex SO at this point) and he made me feel like it was all my fault he moved out and that his kids have been soooooo hurt by this. Hey, what about me?!?!?! Uh, I've kinda been hurt too. Geesh, talk about feeling like cr*p and crying my eyes out.

It seems like no matter how hard I try, when something screws up it always come back to being my fault. You and I have similar outlooks. We want to be needed and wanted. We need validation of that, and if you're like me, you have trouble finding people who are able to give that validation.

I start therapy on Thursday and that's the area I want to explore. Why is my need to feel wanted so extreme? What is missing in my psyche that makes me desperate for being wanted? If I learn anything, I'll certainly pass it on to you. It might be something you recognize in yourself.

We have to keep telling ourselves, Callie, that we are worthwhile and loveable people. And for what it's worth, we are probably the most loveable kind of people in the world, but we give too much and we get used and taken advantage of. We never truly find anyone to love us for us; we find people who love us for what they can get. Yes, sweetie, we are doormats, but we can't stay that way. It's killing us.

It's a new day. Let's put on a smile and get out there and live life for US for a change. Screw everyone else for now. Let's look inward and see what we need as individuals in order to be happy. THEN, we can begin that search for others who can be good to us and treat us the way we deserve. ((((HUGS))))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:22pm
{{{{{{ddnlj}}}}}}

Thank-you so much for your kind words. I do understand where you are coming from though it maybe different situations the results is the same. And that is how we feel about ourselves.

I hope therapy helps you it has never really worked for me.

I will keep you in my thoughts that things workout for you.

Take Care {{{{{{ddnlj}}}}}}

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 3:40pm
{{{{Sue}}}}

Thank-you for your response. It just seems that there not enough hours in the day anymore for me. To even try and find so support group. It is they is has to be right now and I know it. I have ability to be here when I am at work when I am not helping a student. I am a Computer Lab Assistant at a Community College. There are times when I am busy and not so busy. Then there is home life well that is hectic enough. Between that and work It's hard to find time for myself.

Take Care {{{{{{Sue}}}}}}

Callie