-Becoming a New Mom-
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| Tue, 10-19-2004 - 10:26am |
And yet I find myself slowly sinking into this weird depression.
One would think that with all the help, love and support I have, I would be finding this the most wonderful and exciting time of my life, however thats not the case, and to add to things I am feeling bad and guilty ABOUT feeling bad.
All I seem to want to do is just break down into tears.
I am fairly young <22>, and the baby was a completely unexpected, "whoops" should have listened to mom situation, but the idea grew on me through my pregnancy and with the love and support of my partner we became very excited parents to be. When I first saw him I was in love instantly, everything he does is new and strange and I feel scared, I love my baby with all my heart, so why am I suddenly feeling so sad?
To make matters even funner I am facing possible gall-bladder or urinary tract infection problems, and am going to see my doctor today..I cant even talk about anything regarding me or the baby without crying and I'm afraid of pushing my partner away or becoming annoying to him.
The last two days everything the baby does frustrates me, because I have to pay attention to him, and I guess I'm not used to having to set myself aside..all I feel like doing right now is focusing on me and being depressed and I cant do that, which is making me even more upset..
I feel listless and worn out and I dont know if these things are normal, so I guess I just needed a place to ramble on about it for a minute, maybe to people..potentially mom's who might be able to relate or offer some advice, I also plan to talk to my doctor about it.

First, CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby! It sounds to me like you may be suffering from post-partum depression. Have you ever had symptoms of depression before? If not, a short time on antidepressants might be all you need to get you through this rough patch.
Ting![]()
First of all, I admire that you sought to find support on message boards such as these. In the last year, when I'm feeling I'm the only one out there with a particular problem, I look at these boards and am reminded I am not alone.
Remember that. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
A couple of years ago, I gave birth to our first after a couple of miscarriages and hard gos. I was suppose to be the happiest person on earth, with a perfect new little baby. Everything I had dreamed about had come true...so why on earth was I crying all the time and felt as if the whole thing was a mistake.
You said you had your baby Oct. 8. Dear, you're hormones are going crazy. You are working on little sleep. You just experienced a life changing experience. And, you are coming off of the "high" of expectation. These are just a few things. It's natural and okay. On top of this, if you have an infection going on, this can compound problems.
When I read your post, I felt as if I was reliving those first couple of weeks...a hummm, months of being a new mommy. I don't think there is a book or person out there that can truly tell you how things will be when you have a baby. You have to experience it for yourself.
Let me tell you...one day, when my husband came home, I handed him the baby and said, "I'm going to the mall." I didn't come home until midnight! My husband figured I had left them. When I got home, we spent the rest of the night talking about what was going on. I needed help.
I felt inadequate. I felt as if I couldn't do this. I felt guilty for feeling this way. I wanted to leave and never come back. I wanted to separate myself before I bonded too much. And, this, too, made me feel guilty.
And, the water works...holy cow! I couldn't stop crying no matter what. I couldn't get two words out to the psychiatrist that asked to speak to me on the phone when my husband was calling to get me some help. I busted into tears.
I ended up getting on an anti-depressant for a while. It was amazing how this balanced myself out. I also dumped all the "baby books" because they were making me feel inadequate. I also stopped my busy life. I mean, the day after I came home from the hospital, I want grocery shopping as if life was back to normal. HELLO! I just had a baby...not a cold! So what if I sat all day, holding my baby, and read a book. If this was what I needed to do, I did it. I allowed myself to bond...I mean, really bond with my baby.
Being a new mommy is rough. I heard someone once say, "If you really want something in life, you are going to have to do things you've never done before." Being a mommy is something that doesn't happen over night. Certainly, you have feelings towards your baby, but they aren't the type of feelings you'll have in six months...a year...or two years (especially when they look at you with the cutest little face and ask, "HUG?")
I spent a lot of time "pretending" to the rest of the world that I was "perfect." I could be the best mom ever. I wasn't going to have any problems at all adjusting to this new position. Realize this now...that is a lie. You haven't done this before, so it's okay you don't know the answers.
I'm sending you a great big hug. Talk to your mom about being a mother. Talk to your friends. If they think you're nutty for feeling that way, talk to us. Just talk to someone. It's important to verbalize your feelings. It's also important to seek professional help if you feel you need it. Lots of women have gone through this before...just not so many talk about it. I do because it's important to me that NO ONE feels they are the only person out there.