How do DH/SO's deal?
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| Tue, 10-19-2004 - 4:56pm |
Anyway, my DH really does not cope well when this happens. We have talked about it, and have even discussed it together with our pastor who has explained to him that when I get into times like these is when I need him most, etc. But he really makes it worse. He gets frustrated because he doesn't know what to do, he tries to "run" from it, finding lots of things to preoccupy his time, and complains that I'm a downer. (All of the above don't help any, of course). He just doesn't get it, he thinks I should jsut "be happy" and get over it. Which I understand, for someone who has never experienced this, it *is* difficult to understand and watch someone else go through. But we have talked and talked and talked about it and he just can't handle it.
I don't mean to rag on him or belittle him, I am just wondering how to help him help me. Is anyone else's DH/SO like this? How on earth do you get the support you need without feeling like a leech or embarassed or ashamed?
I'd love any advice or feedback.
Thanks!
Erin

You know, some of this could be pregnancy related. Have you noticed being this way before you became pregnant?
As for men understanding, sweetie, I wish I could give you some positive feedback on that, but I haven't found a man yet who is willing or able to deal with my depression. My ex-husband was similar to your husband. He brushed it off or acted like it didn't exist. Finally, I got tired of his lack of support (among 2 million other things) and decided I'd be better off by myself. My SO, the one I've just spent 3 years with, left me a couple weeks ago when I needed him most. His way of supporting me emotionally was to run. What's so ironic about it is that he suffers from anxiety attacks and I was by his side during every single one of them - even when they mimicked heart attacks and he'd be rushed to the hospital. All I can say is that some people can sympathize, empathize and be good supporters, others can't (especially men, I think).
Of course it doesn't help when your husband ignores you and calls you a "downer". You need his attention and support and it hurts when you don't receive it. You can't help the way you feel. Have you talked to your OB/GYN about this? That might be a good place to start. Also, try joining a pregnancy exercise class. Lots of people on this board have said that exercise is a great reliever of depression. It might even be something you and your husband could enjoy together.
When the baby comes the two of you will be very busy and won't have much time for togetherness. Try to do things now that are geared towards you as a couple. Maybe this is what your husband needs. If you do things together, maybe he'll be more open to hear your feelings.
Please stay in touch. Let us know how you're doing.
Hi Erin,
Men deal with depression sooo much differently then we do, its amazing really.
*hugs