please help me figure this out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
please help me figure this out!
1
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:20pm
Hey everyone!
I'm relatively new to message boards and extremely new to IVillage, so I am excited to be able to share my story.
I am 24 years old and have my degree, but am unemployed and job searching currently. I also have a relationship that is long-distance and we will not be together until I find a job and location where I can settle down. All of that hinders, it seems, on my emotional well being. If I do not feel good about myself, then how can a potential employer feel good about me?
Why don't I feel good, you ask? Well, like many things in this life, it all comes down to self-image. I was a very overweight pre-teen and teen, in fact even into my 20's. I got used to being the "fat sister". The one who didn't look like the others. I have 4 sisters, all of whom are beautiful and exactly their "ideal size". At my heaviest (in early college) I was about 220 pounds. I started to shed those pounds little by little throughout college...it took about 4 or 5 years in total and this past summer I got down to 130 pounds after consuming only 1000 calories per day. Yes, my clothes felt great on me (very loose, in fact!), but I was emotionally unhappy and very unsatisfied. It just was not fair that my sisters could eat whatever they wanted to, but I had to starve myself. So, after weeks of torturing myself to be that size, I started eating. Two months later, which is now, I am 145 pounds and unhappy about myself because I have gained weight. I just can't win! The long distance relationship is not helping, although we talk a couple of times per day and he is wonderful. My job search is threatened because of my low self esteem, and I just do not know how I am going to get out of this "funk". Please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:46pm

Welcome to the board! Wow, you addressed a lot of things in your post.

A long distance relationship is a tough to deal with. It is not a surprise that that adds to all your stress. I know from personal experience that finding a job is a really difficult thing to handle. I know that there are boards here to help with those issues.

On top of that you are trying to keep your weight steady. Depending on your height your weight may be appropriate. I am a exercise geek, so I know about this topic. I would not recommend cutting your calories like that again. Your body was young enough to handle that, but as you age, it will not like that method.

Being here will help. Post and read posts, you will find unconditional caring here. There is every walk of life here, we are here for you.

Welcome!

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)