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| Sat, 10-23-2004 - 1:31pm |
I'm new so pls forgive if this isn't the right place for this question. My DH was diagnosed with chronic depression 15 yrs ago. It has been a roller coaster ride for our family as he moved through different drugs & stages. Currently, he is on paxel. I wonder if there is anything someone can suggest to help us further. I'm a exhausted with the emotional load I am carrying. DH won't see a counselor as he feels that they know nothing. We tried in the past. He is angry most of the time, complains about everything and wants little to do with the rest of the world. I became the breadwinner, have raised our 3 kids mainly on my own and try to shelter him from as much as possible. His doctor says there isn't anything else we can do. He just keeps increasing the dose or changing the medication when things got bad enough that my husband agrees to a change. I love him and miss the balanced relationship we had in our early years and sometimes my old husband returns for a few hours or days and it gives me hope. But most of the time, I am the terrible witch ruining his life. He was home for 5 yrs then went back to work part time 6 yrs ago. He works 30 hrs a week, I work 60 to 70 hrs. He wants to retire next Spring & I feel that it is too soon. He is only 52 & we still have 2 DS in school. I can't retire for at least 7 yrs, more if he goes sooner. He says I am killing him making him work but I can't continue to handle the financial responsibility myself. All of our kids have had part-time jobs since 14 and the older two have paid for much of their education. Our oldest DS (working 2 jobs while in school)is angry with us. He feels I should make his Dad take more responsibility. He thinks I am killing myself for the family. My youngest doesn't remember the old Daddy and his teenage years have been challenging for me. My husband just ignores him when he acts out & I'm the one dealing with the school, counselors, etc. I tried counselling myself last year but their recommendation was to leave my husband. I can't do this. I love him & he needs me. Any words of wisdom??? Dee

Keep posting to us. I am sure someone here will have been through this.
Read others post and perhaps give insight.
You will find every walk of life here. We are here to support and understand.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support Board
Dee,
Having been in your shoes to a certain degree, I can relate to alot of what you are saying.
I am very capable of surviving on my own with the kids, I know that. It wouldn't be a financial hardship like it would be for some women. However, I know that he loves us & we love him so I want to find ways to help us all. I need to stop my kids from worrying about Dad & acting like his caregiver. They need to focus on their growing up. I need to focus on tough love, it worked years ago when I threatened to take the kids & leave if he didn't accept that he needed his meds & stay on them. He has never quit taking them since then. Thanks, this has helped me stop feeling sorry for myself & given me some actions to take.