The Wishy-Washiness of Love

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
The Wishy-Washiness of Love
1
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 12:29pm
Has anyone ever had a relationship with someone that they want, but at the same time they don't want? I'm so confused about where SO and I are with each other, and what he wants from me and where we're going.

In a nutshell, we've been together 3 1/2 years, lived together 1 1/2 years. I did a great deal for him, and for his kids who came to live with him and eventually with me. None of that seemed to be appreciated, and the kids were disrespectful to me and my home and SO seemed to not care. We had a number of knock-down, drag out fights (mostly over kids), the stress was getting to me, and finally he moved himself and his kids out a few weeks ago. I can't say I miss the kids, though I do miss SO.

Here's where he and I stand at the moment. I won't go to his house because the first and only time I went there, his kids came home and saw my car in the driveway and actually burned rubber in the street driving off. I told SO that I guess I wasn't wanted, and all he could say was "well, the kids have been hurt by this." Yeah, and I haven't? He goes out to eat with his kids, and I can't be invited along because...well...they wouldn't want me.

In essence, he comes over maybe one night a week, takes me out and gets sex. He calls me everyday, and if I needed something he'd be there, but there's something missing. I feel I'm not good enough to be around his kids; why am I good enough to be around him? It hurts me to think that he can't stand up to his kids and say "you will NOT be rude to ANYONE who comes to this house". Instead, he allows them to basically run the show and keep me away.

I'm trying to take things one day at a time, but I'm getting tired now. I just don't think I'm being treated fairly, and I don't really know what I mean to him. He says he loves me, but if you love someone do you treat them this way?

I don't know if I'm being used or what. How would you react to this situation?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 1:44pm

Hi there.

Christine

CL