i love someone with depression

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
i love someone with depression
2
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 3:36pm
Hello everybody... I don't know where to start, there are so many things on my mind right now. I don't suffer depression, but my boyfriend does,depression and anxiety, and it's just tearing me apart. Although he takes Wellbutrin, Paxil and some other pill for anxiety, he hasn't gotten better, and actually I think he's getting worse. He's taken antidepressants for eight years, so this has been going for a long time (he's 27, we've been together for 7 months). I love him to death, I can really see myself with him in the future, but seeing him like this so often is starting to give me doubts, as much as that hurts me, I see myself being miserable for the rest of my life, and a future with him is so scary. I am not giving up so easily on him, I really want to help him, but it seems he doesn't want to help himself. I have told him that we can go to therapy together, if just him doesn't work, I try cheering him up but that doesn't work either (I know it isn't that simple). He tells me he's scared to lose me because of this, and I'm scared about it too, to get to the point where I can't take it anymore, as much as I love him. He's an amazing guy, he loves me so much, and I love him equally, I want to spend all my life with him, but I can just picture 20 years from now dealing with the same problems, but adding p responsabilities like having kids, a household to support, etc.. and it's such a scary thought of having to deal with all of it on my own, because he can't be there for me all the time. I don't know if I am sounding selfish or not, please don't think so. I am writing this because I really need help from somebody, and I know you are experts on this! I know it's a treatable disease, but he doesn't think so.. and winter is coming, and he tells me it gets worse (he has SAD)and that makes me even more scared. I love to be with him, but everytime I see him I am always wondering if it's a good day or a bad one, if he's going to be depressed or not, and it's all wearing me out.

Sorry for such a long email, I guess in part i did it because I need to vent this, and because I need options, help, anything that can make this better. So please tell me, what can I do, how can I handle it, is the ftre really so scary...Thanks!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 2:33pm
Hi There,

Your post got my attention. I have depression and have been suffering from it for a very long time! I do not have it as bad as some people, but my mother has severe depression. I am also currently suffering from SAD! First of all I want to tell you that if your BF seems to be getting worse on medication you need to have him contact his health care provider/psycologist asap! Some depression medications have been linked to an increase in depression and things even as severe as suicide. I have lost several bf's to these same ishues you are dealing with and that is very hard. Now I am dealing with slight anxiety from past ecperiences now with my current BF, he is being wonderful, but needed to understand what I was going threw to really help me the best he could. I think the most important thing here is understanding and knowledge of this disease, not only for you but for your bf. Just becasue he has had this disease for years dosn't mean he understands it. Get as much info as possible, books, friends, health care providers. There are support groups he or both of you can get involved in. Also make sure that he is doing things on his own to help. Exercise is VERY important and needs to be consistant, even just a 20min walk a day will help. Get as much light as possible, get outside, even if it's cloudy, open shades, there are special lights to help with SAD too. People with deprssion tend to want to seclude themselves from others, don't let that happen. get out, go to movies, mall, where ever and most of all don't sleep as much as you can. We tend to want to do that too. Dose he have a pet? They are GREAT support systems, and have helped many people threw tough times. If he dosn't have one or can't get one, go to a zoo, humane society just to visit. There is unending info for this I could go and on. Keep posting and if you want to e-mail me it's jenrvt@yahoo.com

Good luck,

Jen :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 10:05pm
The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance has a website with information and lists of meetings around the country. A lot of the meetings have specific days for friends and families. It is worth checking out.

peace and love,


just_a_big_kid


Sue

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid